Advantage: Per
Your prize is in the mail.
Your prize is in the mail.
Relationship Hilarity by none other than The Vault Dweller!
- Thread starter The Vault Dweller
- Start date
Bradylama
So Old I'm Losing Radiation Signs
calculon000
Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!
You're still a bigger pimp than me, The_Vault_Dweller, so take some solace in that.
The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
Bradylama said:
*sings forelornly*
Maybe...you'll think of me...when I am all...a...lllooooooonnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
@ Bradylama and Per:
X 10Well...at least everyone's having a good time. That "Walks into the Wasteland" pic was perfect to my mood at the time Bradylama. I also love Per's commentary.
To clarify. Though I, like everyone, like to talk about life here I have a special reason for this thread. Ive been here so long having so many laughs and learning so much from not only a large community, but the most loyal one Ive ever seen. It pained me I never really made a memorable thread to reward everyone for what they've already given me. So laugh your asses of!
Also glad to see more Orderites here. I initially wanted this in the Order, but I thought it wouldnt be proper with me not being an Orderite.
*gives a bow*,
The Vault Dweller
*sigh*
You try too hard, VD.
You try too hard, VD.
Yeah, like... totally.
I'd rather see more people like The VD put that kind of effort into their posts than short posts like yours and this.Jebus said:
The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
The Fangirl
-
So after being online for some years I become a member of my first forum. (its gone now) Since I had just started to enjoy anime it was an "Inuyasha" forum from a particularly popular fan-made website at the time. By some weird coincidence (probably due to a higher amount of male characters on the show) there were many more female than male members on the forum. So I start by making small posts about topics other people made then eventually start making my own and forumulating some well-developed opinions. After a half a year I was a well-respected and known member not only for being there a while, but also being a generally well natured person. I also began to talk to some of the forum members once I got AIM and many of them enjoyed talking to me. Then one day...
A new member shows up. not too uncommon as there was typically one new member a day there. However after a few months this girl starts responding to my comments very happily and enthusiastically. She only did it with me too. So then she pops up on AIM unannounced and converses with me for a month. Turns out we get along great due to alike interests, but also that she finds my behavior in dealing with all the other forum members (mostly girls) to be extremely nice. I take this all confusedly. I thought I was nice, but found no need for special mention. So then...
>Girl: Can I be...your fangirl?
>Me: Um...sure!
I had no idea what she meant. I know fangirls fawn over someone specific 'cause they love them. Why would she fawn over me though...and more importantly isnt that something you do involving fictional characters? So I thought about it and realise she must find me to be a great person in her opinion. I guess I couldnt be surprised. I acted nice, polite, and caring all while being very modest. I know this, because I have always been that way and people have called it my most liked/disliked trait.
So we talk for months during which she regularly peppered me with words like "cutie" or "sweetie" and ultimately she shared her "fangirl" status with the other members of the forum...three other girls who came forward and said the same way about me. I was happy, but kept my cool realising if I acted any different it might freak them out.
One day I was contemplating how so many other bad things had happened involving me and women. (read the last three stories posted here) It was obvious, but after the other instances I had to act. Realising this could lead to another story I made a plan. I wasnt gonna hold back. I wasnt going to act embarrassed or not speak. I was going to ask her what I waited so long to ask anyone. So after asking her some questions I figure out she's only a few years older than me and completely open for a relationship. She's also admitted she loves me. So Im chatting with her...
*
>Me: I need to ask you a question?
>Her: Ask me anything.
>Me: I know youve been nice to me and seem to like me a lot.
>Her: Awww!
>Me: I know you and me get along great and were friends.
>Her: ^_^
>Me: Well this is the type of thing I would only ask a close friend and that of the opposite sex...
>Her: (shiny eyes) Yes?
>Me: I want to ask...
>Me: Can you give me relationship advice? Cause if I met a girl like you in real life I want to have a relationship and Ive already missed out before...you know how it is.
>Her: LOL
*
I was so relieved. With someone like her giving me advice nothing would stop me...
Hey wait why dont I just date her?
Well...a month later I mulled this over and considered going all the way out to the west coast to see her. Im cheap so I dont want to travel and I have lots of stuff to do at home, but I could make the trip to see my relatives and visit her while there. Unfortunately, she was gone for a week to an anime convention. She came back...
>Her: You wont believe it!
>Me: (shocked)
>Her: Im married now!
>Me: !!!
Yep. She met a wonderful guy at the anime convention who was cosplaying and fell in love with him. I cant say Im disappointed. I knew she wanted someone and Ive kept in touch with her since then. Her life has never been better. Thats actually what I would want for her so Im glad she made that choice. Its a fairy tale ending if there ever was one...
...even though Im still a virgin...
,
The Vault Dweller
P.S.
The forum was for a website that was run by a bunch of teens. It became so popular they couldnt afford to run it and its now defunct. A victim of its own success. So dont ask me if you can find these people I mention.
-
So after being online for some years I become a member of my first forum. (its gone now) Since I had just started to enjoy anime it was an "Inuyasha" forum from a particularly popular fan-made website at the time. By some weird coincidence (probably due to a higher amount of male characters on the show) there were many more female than male members on the forum. So I start by making small posts about topics other people made then eventually start making my own and forumulating some well-developed opinions. After a half a year I was a well-respected and known member not only for being there a while, but also being a generally well natured person. I also began to talk to some of the forum members once I got AIM and many of them enjoyed talking to me. Then one day...
A new member shows up. not too uncommon as there was typically one new member a day there. However after a few months this girl starts responding to my comments very happily and enthusiastically. She only did it with me too. So then she pops up on AIM unannounced and converses with me for a month. Turns out we get along great due to alike interests, but also that she finds my behavior in dealing with all the other forum members (mostly girls) to be extremely nice. I take this all confusedly. I thought I was nice, but found no need for special mention. So then...
>Girl: Can I be...your fangirl?
>Me: Um...sure!
I had no idea what she meant. I know fangirls fawn over someone specific 'cause they love them. Why would she fawn over me though...and more importantly isnt that something you do involving fictional characters? So I thought about it and realise she must find me to be a great person in her opinion. I guess I couldnt be surprised. I acted nice, polite, and caring all while being very modest. I know this, because I have always been that way and people have called it my most liked/disliked trait.
So we talk for months during which she regularly peppered me with words like "cutie" or "sweetie" and ultimately she shared her "fangirl" status with the other members of the forum...three other girls who came forward and said the same way about me. I was happy, but kept my cool realising if I acted any different it might freak them out.
One day I was contemplating how so many other bad things had happened involving me and women. (read the last three stories posted here) It was obvious, but after the other instances I had to act. Realising this could lead to another story I made a plan. I wasnt gonna hold back. I wasnt going to act embarrassed or not speak. I was going to ask her what I waited so long to ask anyone. So after asking her some questions I figure out she's only a few years older than me and completely open for a relationship. She's also admitted she loves me. So Im chatting with her...
*
>Me: I need to ask you a question?
>Her: Ask me anything.
>Me: I know youve been nice to me and seem to like me a lot.
>Her: Awww!
>Me: I know you and me get along great and were friends.
>Her: ^_^
>Me: Well this is the type of thing I would only ask a close friend and that of the opposite sex...
>Her: (shiny eyes) Yes?
>Me: I want to ask...
>Me: Can you give me relationship advice? Cause if I met a girl like you in real life I want to have a relationship and Ive already missed out before...you know how it is.
>Her: LOL
*
I was so relieved. With someone like her giving me advice nothing would stop me...
Hey wait why dont I just date her?
Well...a month later I mulled this over and considered going all the way out to the west coast to see her. Im cheap so I dont want to travel and I have lots of stuff to do at home, but I could make the trip to see my relatives and visit her while there. Unfortunately, she was gone for a week to an anime convention. She came back...
>Her: You wont believe it!
>Me: (shocked)
>Her: Im married now!
>Me: !!!
Yep. She met a wonderful guy at the anime convention who was cosplaying and fell in love with him. I cant say Im disappointed. I knew she wanted someone and Ive kept in touch with her since then. Her life has never been better. Thats actually what I would want for her so Im glad she made that choice. Its a fairy tale ending if there ever was one...
...even though Im still a virgin...
,The Vault Dweller
P.S.
The forum was for a website that was run by a bunch of teens. It became so popular they couldnt afford to run it and its now defunct. A victim of its own success. So dont ask me if you can find these people I mention.
Damn.
Vault Dweller - seriously: you're looking for dates in all the wrong places.
The_Vault_Dweller said:
When will the hilarity stop? Oh its so wildly out of control.
welsh
Junkmaster
Per, those posts have been great.
VD, oi. Where once you don't succeed, try again. That said, I had a friend who dated a fat girl. She sat on his face and almost suffocated him.
And Luke, if you think missing sex because you're sick is bad, try-
(1) Falling asleep during sex.
-Lesson here, if you feel any fatigue try a quick some coffee. Few things will lower a girl's self-esteem than having a guy fall asleep. Remedy- good morning sex.
(2) A bad case of flatulence during sex.
-Lesson here- be mindful of what you eat before sex or try some Malox. That said, it's helpful if you have a good sense of humor. "Ugh ugh, Oh yeah,oh yeah, give me some yeah... Hey what's that smell... Did you fart?"
(3) Having sex with a drunk girl who later throws up on the sheets.
-Lesson- ok so it's easier to have sex with a girl when she's drunk. If so, bring a bucket and save your laundry.
(4) A girl who loses control of her bowels while having an orgasm.
- Lesson- If she says, "I got to go to the bathroom." or "God I feel like taking a shit." She probably means it.
VD, oi. Where once you don't succeed, try again. That said, I had a friend who dated a fat girl. She sat on his face and almost suffocated him.
And Luke, if you think missing sex because you're sick is bad, try-
(1) Falling asleep during sex.
-Lesson here, if you feel any fatigue try a quick some coffee. Few things will lower a girl's self-esteem than having a guy fall asleep. Remedy- good morning sex.
(2) A bad case of flatulence during sex.
-Lesson here- be mindful of what you eat before sex or try some Malox. That said, it's helpful if you have a good sense of humor. "Ugh ugh, Oh yeah,oh yeah, give me some yeah... Hey what's that smell... Did you fart?"
(3) Having sex with a drunk girl who later throws up on the sheets.
-Lesson- ok so it's easier to have sex with a girl when she's drunk. If so, bring a bucket and save your laundry.
(4) A girl who loses control of her bowels while having an orgasm.
- Lesson- If she says, "I got to go to the bathroom." or "God I feel like taking a shit." She probably means it.
welsh
Junkmaster
Marek said:Learn those lessons the hard way Welsh?
Bud, there is a reason why they call it "doin' the nasty."
Jebus wrote:
I don't get it.
Girls aren't really that hard to get, are they?
Or perhaps Belgium is full of easy girls, I dunno.
No he probably lives in the USA. Girls don't give it up as much as over there. Most Americans are very conservative and insecure when it comes to that in comparison.
I don't get it.
Girls aren't really that hard to get, are they?
Or perhaps Belgium is full of easy girls, I dunno.
No he probably lives in the USA. Girls don't give it up as much as over there. Most Americans are very conservative and insecure when it comes to that in comparison.
The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
Jebus said:
Vault Dweller - seriously: you're looking for dates in all the wrong places.
Where would you recommend? Your own ass?
He-Man said:
It'll stop when I get some. Why dont you come visit me so I can end this thread...
Welsh said:
Well the girl Im talking about was about three times my size so I guess I shouldnt feel bad. No offense to her...
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
TheWesDude
Sonny, I Watched the Vault Bein' Built!
lol.. you aint heard a real horror story yet 
i worked the night shift at a printing plant on the west coast... was a girl there who was kinda cute and didnt have a car. usually she had a female friend at work or her dad drive her home at night. for about a month she just started asking me to drive her home which was right on my way home so i usually drove her home when she wanted a ride. usually she invited me up to her place to watch some tv or watch a movie.
i know what you are all thinking... i shoulda put the "moves" on her right? i tried a few times but i guess they were all at the wrong time but i guess i wasnt agressive enough. one christmas she went back to her family in arkansas to celebrate it there. on the day after xmas... the 26th one of the guys staying at the house told her that he though she was really cute and that he wanted to sleep with her. she said ok and then she got back to the west coast to work...
about a month later she started throwing up and stuff. went in and found out she was 2 months pregnant. so she called her mom/family in arkansas to find out who the guy was... he ended up being her cousin 1 times removed.
sometimes not getting agressive for the poontang is a GOOD thing
i worked the night shift at a printing plant on the west coast... was a girl there who was kinda cute and didnt have a car. usually she had a female friend at work or her dad drive her home at night. for about a month she just started asking me to drive her home which was right on my way home so i usually drove her home when she wanted a ride. usually she invited me up to her place to watch some tv or watch a movie.
i know what you are all thinking... i shoulda put the "moves" on her right? i tried a few times but i guess they were all at the wrong time but i guess i wasnt agressive enough. one christmas she went back to her family in arkansas to celebrate it there. on the day after xmas... the 26th one of the guys staying at the house told her that he though she was really cute and that he wanted to sleep with her. she said ok and then she got back to the west coast to work...
about a month later she started throwing up and stuff. went in and found out she was 2 months pregnant. so she called her mom/family in arkansas to find out who the guy was... he ended up being her cousin 1 times removed.
sometimes not getting agressive for the poontang is a GOOD thing
The_Vault_Dweller said:Jebus said:
Vault Dweller - seriously: you're looking for dates in all the wrong places.
Where would you recommend? Your own ass?
I guess that was funny, in a way - although it didn't really make much sense...
Don't drop the being mr. nice guy act, VD! Who knows what kind of hot chicks you can score here? I heard Gus is still available... *wink wink*
welsh said:
Never experienced this, though I have had good morning sex half awake - total ruleage. Also, I have experienced the wo-man fallling asleep on me - is that a good or a bad sign?
An old friend of mine, that I don't have any contact with anymore, experienced a girl 'backfiring' when taking her in the brownie. I don't know the science behind it, but according to this guy, it was as if a bomb exploded inside her and showered him in poo. *shivers*