The ultimate insane German director is at it again!

R

Roshambo

Antediluvian as Feck
None other than Uwe Boll, the man pissing on two industries as once with his astounding ability to take a game franchise, dumb it down, and make a complete mockery of both cinema and the original intellectual property he devalues by simply having his name attached to it.

Let's take a look at what the cretin has managed to get his hands on, to further increase the number of shitty action flicks based upon video games. As if there weren't enough already.

Far Cry: Uwe Boll will make sure that every fan of this game, like every other game he's touched, knows that Uwe Boll doing anything good with this title is indeed a Far Cry.

Fear Effect: This one is just RIPE for Boll's style of clichés and stereotypes.

Hunter: The Reckoning: Get ready for material that will not only cease to exist in the established setting, but it has SWAT teams and plenty of cheapness a la House of the Dead or Alone in the Dark. Different title, same shitty scripting and directing.

Night Claws: Nobody on IMDB.com had anything bad to say about it, mainly because most people know by now to avoid this asshat's garbage, and it isn't talentlessly butchering apart a game franchise. It can stand on its own, that is, if people could stand Boll's directing.

Bloodrayne: Oh, it's a Boll action flick with vampires and tits. As if Queen of the Damned wasn't bad enough as one of the worst vampire movies ever, the King of Shit Talent tries to top it.

Dungeon Shit: Holy fuck...there wasn't even a game to this title, now this idiot wants to try and make a movie based upon it? It kind of fits, given that both Dungeon Shit and Uwe Boll are both unimaginative and about as Lowest Common Denominator as you can get.

Seriously, how DOES anyone have the conscience to give their IP to Boll, who does his best to butcher anything he gets his hands on, or are they really just cash whores? Well, I can see Dungeon Siege needing Uwe Boll's name attached to it. Anything would be an improvement over the passive screensaver it already is, yet this is stretching it. Really, all a producer needs to see ifs the Goofs page on any of his game-based movies to see how talentless this man really is.

Ed Wood had redeeming qualities. Uwe Boll has stereotypes and simply nothing going for him.
 
Normally this would make me foam at the mouth, but since all those games range from mediocre to downright terrible setting- and story-wise, I don't really give a damn. It actually comforts me I don't share Boll's awful taste in games, so it's unlikely I will see him butcher any of the game franchises I like. Imagine what would happen if Uwe Boll tried to acquire the Fallout movie license from Interplay... Boll's money (*money*) + Herve's greed = Battered corpse of Fallout lying in the dirt and getting urinated on.
 
Uwe Boll is pretty much the worst director of all time. This guy is a butcher and a hack.
 
Some Teutonic douchebag actually had the gall to claim that all of the negative reviews for his movies inspire him to make them bigger.

You'd think they'd inspire him to stop making movies. Is the German Republic bankrolling him or what? Where does he keep getting the money for this shit?
 
I'm not familiar with him but now that you mention it..I'd rather not see any of his movies..:S
 
DJ Slamák said:
From the gaming industry's Caenist mindsets.
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But why exactly is it Uwe Boll that has to make every gaming movie created? At least get somebody who could make another Mario Bros. or Mortal Kombat. Something that could actually be entertaining instead of just the driving influence for half of all homicide/suicide pacts.
 
But why exactly is it Uwe Boll that has to make every gaming movie created?
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I've been wondering the same thing. I just don't understand how he manages to get the rights to these licenses, considering all of his movies have tanked horribly.

Alone in the Dark = one of the worst movies I've ever seen.
 
Malkavian said:
Uwe Boll is pretty much the worst director of all time.
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That would be Hal Warren.

Malky said:
I just don't understand how he manages to get the rights to these licenses, considering all of his movies have tanked horribly.
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He must have a lot of friends. You scratch my back, etc.

I'm sure the big bosses think he must be able to make some kind of hit, someday
 
Could a good cast save Dungeon Siege?

IGN Filmforce said:
Dungeon Siege Actors Announced
Game-to-film casting news that'll Boll you over.

June 30, 2005 - Critical response to director Uwe Boll's previous game-to-film adaptations (House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark) has been lukewarm at best, but he must've done something to win the favor of the movie gods. Boll's Brightlight Pictures has just announced the cast for Dungeon Siege, the esteemed filmmaker's follow-up to BloodRayne, and it's a stunner.


Transporter star Jason Statham will topline the flick as Farmer. Ron Perlman (Hellboy) plays Norick, an old friend of Farmer's and companion on his quest. Shaggy himself, Scooby-Doo's Matt Lillard, is Duke Fallow, nephew of King Konreid, who's played by none other than Burt Reynolds. Are you tracking with us here!? There's more... LOTR and Raiders of the Lost Ark star John Rhys-Davies is Merrick, the Magus and court sorcerer. Hottie Leelee Sobieski (The Glass House; Joyride) is Merrick's beautiful daughter, Muriella. And Kristanna Loken (BloodRayne, T3: Rise of the Machines) will be playing Elora (the Whip Woman), an enchanted tree-like creature who comes to Farmer's aide. Deep breaths... Wow.

Not hip on the Dungeon Siege tip? Here's the setup: The story follows Farmer, a common man, on a mission to save his wife and child who are taken by an evil army that's rampaging across the land, determined to conquer the mighty Castle Ehb, and destroy the King.

The role of Gallian, the story's antagonist, has yet to be cast. I'm thinking Don Knotts.

Other parts still vacant include Solana, Farmer's wife (we suggest ringing Julia Roberts); Zeph, Farmer's son who is killed early in the story (Freddie Highmore can't be too busy); Bastian, Farmer's brother-in-law (Tom Cruise wouldn't turn this down); and Commander Tarish, the King's military leader (Brad Pitt, clear your schedule).

Dungeon Siege will start shooting this summer.

-- Brian Linder
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I like Statham and Perlman...but I just don't see it working out.
 
I can see Dungeon Siege needing Uwe Boll's name attached to it. Anything would be an improvement over the passive screensaver it already is, yet this is stretching it.
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Hey! Dungeon Siege was a great game, and far from passive! You've got to click on stuff and...

Click on stuff!

...sometimes...

And.. you ummm... yeah it sucked.

Hehe.

Honestly, i could never make it through Dungeion Siege, so i don't know much about the story, but from what i did play through, there like, wasn't one. So he can't possibly make it any worse. Can he???

I haven't seen Alone In the Dark, and don't really want to. I have seen Dawn Of the Dead, and it was so so. I mean, the only thing it had in relation to the game was the zombies! Everything else was just pulled out of his ass i guess.

So has this Bloodrayne movie already been made? Or is that IGN article some kind of joke? (Not that IGN itself isn't one). The game itself was nothing but softcore porn anyway so i don't see how he could have ruined it any.

Never heard of Fear Effect or Night Claws.

So we're getting a Far Cry movie too? Yay, it's going to be awesome. Just like the game.

(That was sarcasm)
 
mettalhed said:
I have seen Dawn Of the Dead, and it was so so. I mean, the only thing it had in relation to the game was the zombies! Everything else was just pulled out of his ass i guess.
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House of the Dead. Don't blaspheme.
 
Eek, ya both Dawn of the Deads were great, not to be confused with the abomination of House of the Dead.
 
I am incredibly disappointed with the work he did in Alone in the Dark. I have fond memories of playing that game years ago, but now all of those fond memories have been replaced with images of a german guy raping Carnby's corpse

Fuck you, Uwe Boll.
 
The article at Something awful doesn't just portray him as a bad director, but as a worthless human being too. He can't possibly have a doctorate in literature. Nobody who has one can rape the English language that badly. He just has to have some kind of mental condition, I can't believe otherwise.
 
Im suprised Interplay CEO "Herve"

didn't end up selling the rights to make a fallout movie to UWE.

(Shudders at the thought)

.....

Hell the two of them would probably get along great (you know, being retarted and all)
 
At least he can't make any money from tax evasion anymore.

That loophole was shut by the German gov't as of January 1st.

...

Sadly this also means more righteous artists will be having a harder time. Movies like Das Experiment, which was awesome, will probably not be possible anymore.
 
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