Yoshi’s Predictions
Austria 3/10
Pointless team. Crap manager. Will get drubbed at every turn. Oh well.
Switzerland 5/10
Somewhat better than Austria, but any team who gets beaten by post Sven England...and has Philippe Senderos in, is most likely doomed.
Poland 6/10
They have Tomasz Kuszczak, a.k.a. PIG who is mental, and probably a liability. Boruc is decentish however. Jacek Bak looks like Johnny Rotten, not sure if this is good or not. Smolarek is a dreadful player, yet is somehow rated by some. At least they have good strikers in
Podolski and Klose...oh wait. Actually i reckon the Poles will do ok, maybe cause a few upsets.
Portugal 8/10
They have Deco - the living embodiment of cheating. They have loads of incredibly talented but unproductive wingers + Ronaldo. Ronaldo is the best forward in the world easily, however he is also a petulant bellend and will start crying if things go wrong. They don't have any midfielders who can win the ball back, nor do they have any real strikers or a decent keeper. The quality in the forward line can't be overlooked however - semi finals at least.
Italy 7/10
World Champions, and a decent team. A tricky group however and more problems than people realise. They struggle to score goals, as always. Despite having a good season for Bayern, Toni isn't anything special. Totti is a nutcase and secretly wants to destroy mankind. Quagliarella is a funny player who can score great goals but is over wise pointless. Del Piero has had a good season but thats a far as positives go in my view for the Italians. Nesta has left, Cannavaro and Zambrotta are shadows of their former selves. Pirlo has had, by his standards, a woeful year as has Gattuso. Barzagli is a nothing player compared to Nesta. Won't make it out of the group.
France 7/10
Manager is a complete psycho. The likes of Evra, Mexes and Frey don't even get a look in...because of their star signs or some other such wisdom. Gallas lost the plot a few months ago, will be interesting to see if he has recovered his sanity. Clerc has had a good season. Abidal has not. Thuram + Sagnol are old. Boumsong is crap. Despite all this they will somehow manage to keep the most clean sheets in the tourney. Karim Benzema, despite what the media say, is not anything special. Not a great French side, and led by a lunatic, however they will get out of the group.
Greece 6/10
Nothing special. Crap manager. Nikopolidis is past it. Will have a go at it but fall short.
Turkey 5/10
People who think they will do well are in for a surprise; they won't. Fairly rubbish team who adopt a decent attitude. Won't get far.
Czech Republic 7/10
Petr Cech thinks he is a glass of orange juice. Baros is woeful, despite having a good Euro 2004. Sivok has an odd nose. Will do ok, but are not anything special.
Germany 8/10
Jens is a massive liability and will probably cost them at least one match. Rubbish defence, Lahm is ok but the rest have aids. Ballack is back to his best, which will help them. Klose will bang a few in. Gomez has had a decent season and should start up top with Klose. Decent in attack, crap defence. Could win it, if Lemon avoids being a prick.
Croatia 6/10
Better than Ingerlund, but still not good. Simic seems to have vanished off the planet. Modric is going to Spurs so this will probably be is only chance to shine before he gets introduced to Jolball. I reckon the Poles may edge them in the group.
Russia 6/10
Decent manager, good, hardworking squad. Will do well and make the knockouts.
Spain 7/10
Good players, as always. Senile old fool as manager, as always. Mediocre showing and early exit, as always.
Sweden 5/10
They seem to get worse every year. A host of naf goalkeepers and out-of-date defenders ensure they will haemorrhage lots of goals. The midfield is very average with the likes of Wilhelmsson and Kallstrom lurking. Dunno if they have brought Henrik out of his coffin for the tournie or not. Zlatan will be invisible for a few matches and sulky for a few more. Any national squad that contains Marcus Allback stands no chance. They won't make the knockouts.
Romania 6/10
Decent team, shame they won't win a game. Cheerio!
Netherlands 7/10
VDS' last laugh. Semi-okish team, with lots of ageing 'greats' who were never actually great. Gio van B for example. Robben has gone backwards over the last few years, which is a shame...or not. Van Persie is fantastic but will probably break his face or something in the first game. Dirk Kuyt has the first touch of a rapist and is generally a rather dreadful player. Sneijder looks decent, as does Babel. JVOH, RVN + KJH are all in form. Will score lots of goals, concede lots, argue a lot and get lots of cards. Good, perhaps, maybe win it.
Who will go through?
Portugal
Czech Republic
Germany
Poland
Netherlands
France
Spain
Russia
Who will win?
One of:
1) Germany
2) Portugal
3) Netherlands
Surprises: Italy failing, Spain failing (shouldn’t be a surprise but will be) Russia, Poland doing well, and I suppose also Netherlands and Germany doing better than forecast.
I will be placing £10 on each of the above, along with £70 on various other bets.
I am normally correct (apart from predicting Togo a place in the last WC semi final), so place any bets you make on my analysis.
One of Klose/Ronaldo/RVN will be top scorer also.
Don't but money on Spain/Torres/Villa or Sweden.