If I go to the jungle, I'm the one getting squeezed like a toy
It's one of my eyerolls for people, when they want to travel to exotic places, well, any place
I wanna go to Tokyo! Yeah, have fun metro-ing around neverending urbanity, how many sushi restaurants do you plan to visit? 600?
I wanna go to Indiaaa! Yeah, a friend of mine did that. Months after returning to Norway, his incessant burps still smelled like the Ganges
I wanna go to Peru
A friend of my dad's did. He got insta-robbed, ALL his clothes, by CHILDREN. Down to his underwear. My dad did, on day one a motorcycle-mugger snapped his camera right out of his hands, after that, he started holding on to his wife. I have relatives in Lima - they carry guns.
I wanna go to the Amazonas! Yeah, brilliant, best one so far, let's go to THE place on earth with the absolutely lowest human density, meaning it is THE most unhospitable place for humans to be, where everything - even ants, but everything, even plants, everything everything everything murders you. If you meet fellow humans in the Amazonas they're either lethal "Flecheiros" or they are drug smugglers who will insta-shoot you just for being an inconvenience.
I wanna climb the mountains! Yeah, be sure to follow "the landmarks" on your way up, such as the famous "Green Boots", named so for his green boots, that he still wears, because it sounds less horrifying than naming it "That dead Indonesian guy with Green Boots, who after all this time, is still mummified because of the horrendous cold"
I remember in the show "Mt. Everest" this Danish guy who wanted to be the first asthmatic Dane to climb Mt. Everest without any oxygen. I'm not kidding. On first attempt he turned black in the face, and had to be carried down by the sherpas. On second attempt - I AM NOT KIDDING - he turned black in the face, you guess the rest.
Or the French guy who wanted to be the first French guy to cross THE ENTIRETY of Siberia, from west to east. His dog died fist. When he was only a skeletal mess Russians had to waste their time locating and helicoptering him to safety.
American guy came to Norway to "beat every skiing mountain", disappeared. His rich parents rented 10 minutes off a private Norwegian channel to tell Norwegians to keep an eye out for him. He had, at the time, been missing for 2 or 3 months. Sigh...
I could go on.
Stay home people!