I Need Your Help, Personally, Quickly, and Desperately

[The Vault Dweller]

Finding a relationship is weird. A bit of a cliche, but it seems to always happen when you're not looking for it. The biggest problem a lot of people that are perennially single is that they don't put themselves out there to find someone. By this, I don't mean signing up for a dating site, I mean joining some kind of activity group where they can actually meet someone. Unless you're active in online dating, it's very much a 'well, I joined a dating site so now I just have to wait' kind of response which simply serves to make you feel like you've achieved something that you haven't. Go out into the world, join a mixed sport team or something and talk to new people. Even if you don't find the person you're looking for, you'll make friends who will grant you access to their friends where you might find someone, broadening your potential playfield. Plus you'll have fun regardless.

Other than that, you seem to have a lot of preconceived (and in my eyes, wrong) notions of relationships. They don't necessarily cost a lot of money - you can always find things to do that don't cost anything. They just require a time and emotional commitment. But I think this might be related to your living situation in that you seem to live in a very religious area with your step dad? Here I think is the best advice I or anyone in this thread can give you.

Move to another city.

First, you can reinvent yourself. Keep the parts of you you like and are sure of, whilst working out the sides of you you're unsure of in an environment where no one knows you yet or cares about you. Find a city that you think will have the atmosphere you value, all cities have a reputation for having certain kinds of people. Not only that, again you'll be broadening the possible pool of people you can form a relationship with.

But really, it seems you have to work out some issues with yourself and that's simply not going to happen if you're stuck in an environment where you're trapped by old ways of acting and surrounded by people with judgemental viewpoints constricting your possible viewpoints. Experiencing what the world has to offer and moving to different cities is huge and helps you 'mature' and figure yourself out in hundreds of different way.

Also, you owe us a picture. I'm curious about this mysterious seeming hybrid of all ethnicities and religions

I can't join a "club" or such since I work always on weekends and usually during evenings. I could afford to take a day off once or twice a month, but at the expense of all my "fun" income.

I can't move. I have multiple family members I live with that need my share of rent to get by...they can't afford to live alone. I was going to say I hate the idea of moving (I always have), but you are absolutely right about it changing my perceptions in a necessary way.

Thank you for reminding me about the picture. I did promise to post a picture of myself, but forgot besides the fact that you're curious I'm sure everyone here is. YOU WILL HAVE A WHOLE SET OF PICTURES TOMORROW AND I AM PROMISING THIS SO I DON'T FORGET IT MYSELF! I have a family member with a high quality digital camera and plenty of time to take pictures. I'll take multiple angles since just a face shot wouldn't do it justice.

Vd please show yourself.

Tomorrow I swear.

A)You seem to a kind of person to avoid it, feel free to do anything you feel comfortable with.

B)Im from a country that forces men through army, I, for myself took different route and was in jail about a year(not very harsh, forced labor at best) .

C)Religion should allways be dependant on ones self. Problems nowadays are all something entirely different.

Thanks.

Dear VD

Go see a psychologist/psychiatrist, please.

-- A friend

As I said earlier thank you, but I can't afford to.

Anyway, I wanted to post to say: wow, you're brave to make such a topic, and everyone answered seriously and kindly. This thread restored my faith in humanity a bit.

I agree with Zaij you need to change something about your life, i suggested experimenting with opiates because i saw it worked many times.

I couldn't afford drugs and even if I could my family has a history of addiction. Either they've never used them or they become addicts. Believe me there are times I envy people who can escape reality so easily, but for me it would be death.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

P.S.

You WILL get your pictures. Mark my words. From the front, sides, and back. In fact since this is so groundbreaking a moment and the subject of my weight was part of this and I'm feeling so grateful I'll force myself to take a shirt-less picture.

 

[Crni Vuk]

don't do it, and seriously don't trust those comments (sorry guys). Opiates/drugs/medications can ONLY help in the short term, I know it, I got some from a doctor once.

You have to make a difference between depressions. Those which have clearly a biological source can be eventually somewhat treated by medications, a good example would be bipolar disorder (known to many as Manic depression). But believe it or not, its impossible to say if the source of the problems are biologically. Hence why it is so important to find a good professional and talk with them about it.

Everything they know today about it comes from experience, trial and error. Hence why so many go with medications for everything. They gave me 5 or 6 different pills once in the hospital. Only very late did I realize that I was in the wrong location. I had a good doctor there though and he told me the issues I have can not be fixed with medications. When you have to deal with problems which have other sources which is the most common situation. Family, jobs, relationships/friends etc.

I can not tell you how to improve your situation. Every person is different and reacts in different ways to issues.

But this counts for everyone, do NOT experiment with medications because someone says it can solve issues. I am not saying they are useless. But unless you don't know exactly what you are doing and you don't have someone (a professional, doctor, etc.) looking over you it is very dangerous. I had the issue once that one of the pills I got ... backfired. Causing huge issues. Thankfully I had a doctor at that point.



From someone who has to deal with issues, depressions and such (probably a form of Posttraumatic stress disorder) I can tell you that maybe you will have to deal with issues for the rest of your life. Fighting it is not the way to go in my eyes. It requires to much energy and it's a fight you will loose sometimes. Learning how to deal with it is the way to a healthy mind. Compare it to people which move away from addictions. People often say that it is impossible to get away from the addiction but they learn how to deal with the feelings. What they can do when the urge gets higher.

 

[mobucks]

excellent post Crni, you are a wise man.

Pills scare the shit out of me. Just the way the doctors/commercials try to push them on you is unnerving. Sure, there are people out there with something chemicaly imbalanced that need pills, but if you ask me, the ammount of people taking head pills is way too high. I hears 3/4 of women in the US are on some sort of anti-depressant. I need an anti-depressant just hearing that statistic. Humanity got by for tens of thousands of years without Cymbalta. Chances are high that we don't need to be drugged up to get through life.

Anti depressants don't need to be in pill form to be effective. DammitBoy has an arsenal of anti-depressants in his gun locker. I drive my anti-depressant to work every day. I also have an anti depressant that barks and one that purrs.

 

[Sub-Human]

Anti depressants don't need to be in pill form to be effective. DammitBoy has an arsenal of anti-depressants in his gun locker.

The type of anti-depressants that you use on other people?

 

[TorontoReign]

I don't want to keep harping over you seeing the doctor but....

In many areas there are clinics that have psychologists/psychiatrists on hand to treat low income folks. I know this because I take someone there on a regular basis. The cost of being seen is around $20 and it ends up costing close to $100 for all the meds. Not dirt cheap by any means, but definitely worth it if you need the help.

That being said anti-depressants are not necessarily a good choice for everyone, but you never know until you talk to a licensed professional. I was on anti-depressants for about 5 years, they made me even worse, so I stopped taking them. The side-effects are what always killed me. Simply talking to a Social Worker will not cost much VD. It sounds like you have some family issues that are making things harder for you. I know that must be hard if you have people relying on you for support, when you in fact need support yourself. Experimenting with drugs to self fix things is not the right choice either. So you have some members of your household that have drug problems? I won't pry too much, but I will say that putting your problems off, because you are worried about someone else, is not always the best choice of action. When you are finally forced to deal with the problem it might be harder to remedy.

Truth be told, I feel like we lack the necessary information to properly help you VD. The military thing almost sounds like a way to get away from home dude. At any rate I hope things start to look up man. I am always here to listen if you need to talk (literally). I feel like saying a bit more, but I am cramped for time today.

 

[Verevoof]

Drugs work differently from person to person. Someone may benefit from them, while another person on the same medication won't feel any beneficial effects, or another person will find medication just plain doesn't work for them. Drugs aren't custom made for each individual; doctors work to find which one best suits an individual, that's why there are so many.

 

[TorontoReign]

Drugs work differently from person to person. Someone may benefit from them, while another person on the same medication won't feel any beneficial effects, or another person will find medication just plain doesn't work for them. Drugs aren't custom made for each individual; doctors work to find which one best suits an individual, that's why there are so many.

I agree. It is a lot of trial and error. A few people I knew actually got worse on anti-depressants (I was one of them) and one committed suicide while on them. I just wanted to point out that drugs aren't necessarily always the way to fix problems like this. I saw a psychiatrist every week for two years along with numerous psychologists and I saw first hand how things worked out. If a drug prescribed was giving me too many side effects or not working right, they would change me to another one. They did that for two years. I tried every anti-depressant that the Army would prescribe along with a few anti-psychotics. None of them worked very well, but I think a lot of that is determined by your environment too. If you are in a shitty environment to begin with, no amount of drugs will fix your problems. You must find out what is making you depressed/anxious/angry, before you can start to fix it. I think that is what a psychologist is good for personally.

"Try experimenting with opiates" really sounds like horrible advice to me. VD may need anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, sleeping pills, or maybe a few xanax, but no one knows until he goes to a damn doctor. It actually worries me that you won't go VD.

Is it really just a money thing, or do you just not want to go?


Do you remember when you gave me advice?

http://www.nma-fallout.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=36757&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=7160

 

[Verevoof]

Self medication is terrible advice. Seriously, don't do that and don't experiment. See a psychologist/psychiatrist before taking any drugs.

And yeah, I hear you Toront. But drugs like anti-depressants aren't meant to "fix" the problem, they just take the edge off so the patient is able to work through their problems with therapy. Non-drug therapy should always be tried first, and if the patient needs some extra help, doctor prescribed and monitored drugs and therapy is best

 

[Mutoes]

Well ill throw in my thoughts too, keeping in mind i dont really know anything else about you than what youve written here (which i have to admit is a lot more i would have had the guts to write in public forum) and im in no way professional on subjects of religion, relationships or army, i would say:

Army: i dont think you can quite handle it yet, it might just add stuff to the list of current issues youre dealing with.

Therapy: I went to therapy several years through the ages 10 - 15 due to the mental issues my father had (paranoid schizophrenia) in my early childhood, my mother decided on this herself and in hindsight it did help me to understand the situation. Its propably not the same kind of therapy that is given to adult men and women but my experiences have been positive.

So im going to repeat what some other folk have said here before, getting therapy doesnt mean you are mentally ill, most of the stuff you have listed in your OP are stuff that many people (close friends, family, myself) struggle with at some point of their life, some more than others. The thing is if you cant seem to get these things resolved during considerable period of time and it bothers you to the point it starts affecting your life/ stops you from doing things that make you happy/ results in depression and considerable anxiety/ starts affecting your behaviour so that it affects negatively others around you it might be good idea to get professional help.

However if you can resolve these issues yourself and by just asking advice from friends/here then there is nothing wrong with that either.

Self medication/experimenting with drugs: Dont do it, drugs are weird, they work differently with every person and what helps some other person might just make you more miserable than what you were before.

Romantic relationship: I have little experience on this myself, only one relationship and it didnt last too long. It happened by itself and stopped by itself. There was nothing dramatic about it either. It did make some of the insecurities go away and i liked the time we spent togother. When it ended it did make me sad for awhile. Seeing some of my friends that have had more serious relationships i can see there is no such thing as issueless relationship, no matter how hard you might try. So if you really want to commit prepare for having some awfully shitty days too.

Religion: Id say dont do it, i think religion can play with people who feel guilt easily/high amounts of responsability quite harsly.

GL with your future life and endeavours.

 

[donperkan]

I'm sorry if i sounded like a jerk or a pusher, that wasn't my intention. The thing is i personally think that vd could benefit from cannabis. He just needs to loosen up a bit.

 

[Crni Vuk]

or it could make the situation even worse which is the point. When you have issues its the best to stay away from either alcohol or cannabis. Not that I see those stuff as bad. As long youre not addicted. Still better staying away from it untill you are somewhat healthy.

 

[Mutoes]

Yeah i have enjoyed the usual relaxing substances myself but ive noticed its (atleast on my own experiences) always bad idea to take anything when really depressed/mentally taxed/physically deprived and always better to take when already in good mental standing, mood and in good company thus boosting the existing "feelgood". These things however play differently with everyone.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Okay so the digital camera I was going to use was "missing" a USB connector for PC uploads then I noticed it had a "multi-connector" with different connections one of which was USB. That's why this took so long.

All these were taken about one week after shaving. I tend to shave once a week and once when I went 3 months without shaving it only got about twice as long/thick and stopped growing. So for really my unshave/one week of growth is normal.

Well ill throw in my thoughts too, keeping in mind i dont really know anything else about you than what youve written here (which i have to admit is a lot more i would have had the guts to write in public forum) and im in no way professional on subjects of religion, relationships or army, i would say:

Army: i dont think you can quite handle it yet, it might just add stuff to the list of current issues youre dealing with.

Therapy: I went to therapy several years through the ages 10 - 15 due to the mental issues my father had (paranoid schizophrenia) in my early childhood, my mother decided on this herself and in hindsight it did help me to understand the situation. Its propably not the same kind of therapy that is given to adult men and women but my experiences have been positive.

So im going to repeat what some other folk have said here before, getting therapy doesnt mean you are mentally ill, most of the stuff you have listed in your OP are stuff that many people (close friends, family, myself) struggle with at some point of their life, some more than others. The thing is if you cant seem to get these things resolved during considerable period of time and it bothers you to the point it starts affecting your life/ stops you from doing things that make you happy/ results in depression and considerable anxiety/ starts affecting your behaviour so that it affects negatively others around you it might be good idea to get professional help.

However if you can resolve these issues yourself and by just asking advice from friends/here then there is nothing wrong with that either.

Self medication/experimenting with drugs: Dont do it, drugs are weird, they work differently with every person and what helps some other person might just make you more miserable than what you were before.

Romantic relationship: I have little experience on this myself, only one relationship and it didnt last too long. It happened by itself and stopped by itself. There was nothing dramatic about it either. It did make some of the insecurities go away and i liked the time we spent togother. When it ended it did make me sad for awhile. Seeing some of my friends that have had more serious relationships i can see there is no such thing as issueless relationship, no matter how hard you might try. So if you really want to commit prepare for having some awfully shitty days too.

Religion: Id say dont do it, i think religion can play with people who feel guilt easily/high amounts of responsability quite harsly.

GL with your future life and endeavours.

All great advice. Thank you.

"Try experimenting with opiates" really sounds like horrible advice to me. VD may need anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, sleeping pills, or maybe a few xanax, but no one knows until he goes to a damn doctor. It actually worries me that you won't go VD. Crying or Very sad

Is it really just a money thing, or do you just not want to go?


Do you remember when you gave me advice?

I'm sure I'll be ok. Sorry to worry you.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude]

1500 calories a day w/ a multivitamin starting right now. Eat whatever the fuck you want, but stick to that daily amount (write your calories on a sticky note or keep a log in your phone). I recommend checking out Michelina Lean Gourmet as they're only a buck each at Walmart for a good 8oz meal, so that's $5 a day for 2.5 pounds of food which is awesome on a budget. They taste great too.

Stick with it, don't fucking cheat, and you'll see results fast. With absolutely no exercise you'll be dropping 1.5-2lbs a week. You'll start to look better, and more importantly; you'll feel better.


If you do this, it'll change your life. I guarantee it.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Well thanks. Right now I eat around 2,200 calories a day and weight just over 200 lbs. I'm still slowly losing weight. If I really wanted too I could eat less and lose it faster.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Phil the Nuka-Cola Dude]

Losing weight is one of the easiest things you can do to vastly improve your physical and mental health. When you take complete control of that aspect of your life; suddenly everything else starts looking easier. 2200 is still a damn lot of calories unless you're doing some hardcore manual labor, and even then it's going to slow your weight loss to a crawl.

I'm telling you, you'd be one sexy dude and your self confidence would be through the fuckin' roof.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Do I really look fat? Maybe it's, because most Americans are fat that I think I'm not when I'm just a bit thinner. Thing is people tell me I'm thin when I don't ask them how I look.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

P.S.

I appreciate this, but I had no idea it was an issue.

 

[Crni Vuk]

Well thanks. Right now I eat around 2,200 calories a day and weight just over 200 lbs. I'm still slowly losing weight. If I really wanted too I could eat less and lose it faster.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

I would rather do a bit more sport then eating less. Just some advice of course. find something you enjoy and practise it every second day.

 

[Ohaimerk]

Looking good. I'm totes jealous of that hair

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/mkAqK4YW474" frameborder="0"></iframe>

 

[Sub-Human]

I would rather do a bit more sport then eating less. Just some advice of course. find something you enjoy and practise it every second day.

Yep. I'd say jogging is your best bet right now. 20 minutes every day. Aside from that, drink more water (if only water), especially before your meal and you'll be very thin soon.