I Need Your Help, Personally, Quickly, and Desperately

[Sub-Human]

Kind people always get it up the ass in this world. This world isn't kind to "kind" people. Get used to it.

Listen to this guy.

I dissagre with this.

I think I can honestly say that (apart from this board) I am one of the nicest people you will ever know. No seriously. My tolerance knows pretty much no limits and I am a very calm person. There are many things I do for people. And I am trying to stay positive about most things regardless how shit things are (and they are right now not all to bright but that is another story).

You're lucky, than. I help around people (in my school, I helped everyone with their homework, helped them cheat on a test, sometimes would buy them stuff - for their own money, of course, and a few other things I won't really mention) and I can get really screwed over. My mother and aunt are really kind people too (thus I inherited this trait), and they get screwed over.

They ran over 5 businesses and in none of them have they paid bribes, bought out stolen goods, took over ordered products, you mention it. I don't really have to tell you what happened to them. The world isn't kind to kind people.

There are kind people out there too who recognize their own and help them too, but the majority aren't kind so they won't help you back or they'll just tell you to go somewhere bad and fuck yourself.

 

[Crni Vuk]

well I learned over the years who deserves help and who does not though. So I dont get screwed over all the time.

But many times it has to do with how you look on things. Attitude is everything.

 

[UniversalWolf]

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for advice on this forum as long as you keep some perspective and don't blindly accept the responses you get -- which is no different from the mindset you should have toward anyone, including a therapist.

Asking is better than not asking; we may be a bunch of incompetent boobs but we're inexpensive and we don't have any direct stake in any decision you make, so we're at liberty to be brutally honest.

To me it sounds like you're in a rut. Preoccupation with self is a symptom of that. Figure out a way to broaden your horizons; you'll be surprised how much an influx of new data can improve your mindset. Doing something altruistic may be a good place to start, but it's up to you to decide.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Based solely on my observation of your posts in this thread, you would be a recruiter's wet dream and a drill instructor's worst nightmare, for much the same reasons. My sense of you is of a naive, idealistic dreamer in dire need of both direction and maturity.

There is a place for people like you in the Navy. It's the Nuclear Power pipeline. It takes in scores of people with your characteristics. Then, 2/3rds of you drop or fail out for being unwilling or incapable of handling the rigors of training. Amidst the piles of human wreckage, those who survive the process make relatively decent money and get promoted fast.

A recruiter gets several perks for chanelling eligible train wrecks into the pipeline. However, you are highly unlikely to make it through. I came out of this world, and was miserable for two solid years until I made it through the pipeline and into the fleet.

I think I agree with the others that counselling may be a better option than enlisting. Also, idealism quickly vanishes in the face of long hours of boredom that are the reality of modern warfare.

Ha! I've never been called a "dreamer" before though I am certainly idealistic.

I admitted to myself that I probably couldn't handle the rigors, but also that since I'd never done it I shouldn't judge. Hence why I needed people like you.

Also I like boredom. Better being stress from boring than stress from busy.

You may be able to sign up for a 4 year enlistment, but when that's done you'll still be obligated for another 4 years on inactive ready reserve status. I don't know how IRR status works if you have a longer initial term due to the MOS you get into.

I'm going to have to safely assume that 4 years "inactive" could easily be "active" so I'll consider it an 8 year agreement regardless of the definition of the first half and last half being different.

I have a little more to add I suppose. Everything that has been mentioned on the military has been very accurate. Walking away if you initially get stuck with poor MOS choices is the best thing you could do. I want to be perfectly honest though VD. Based upon the things you have said, I wouldn't run off and join the military. You have some major issues to solve, and the military tends to complicate any issues you have. Don't make any major life choices based upon what I or anyone else has said. Trust me. Forums aren't the best place for advice like this. I ran off suddenly to join the military, and it DRASTICALLY changed my life in many ways. I don't know if that is what you need.

Hm...

I realize that is contradictory....

Great of you to say this. You probably noted that most of what I propositioned is quite contradictory and bluntly so. It's, because the situation I'm in warrants a lot of research and thought which is to say up until then I feel very conflicted.

That's not how therapists work. For one, you have no obligation to actually take any medication or follow any other treatment a therapist would prescribe. If they want you to do something you don't want to do, you can just say 'no'. Similarly, going through a therapist does not mark you as crazy or as having dangerous psychological issues, and therapist's diagnoses should not in any way impact you later in life.


It's not about people being worried or thinking you're dangerous or mentally unstable or anything remotely like that. You have some very important questions about the way you lead your life. You're asking random people on a forum about those questions, instead of visiting a professional who can help you work through those issues. Those therapists exist for a reason, and a lot of people use them for that purpose. Really, the issues you describe and the questions you ask indicate that visiting a therapist could help you work through those issues and questions. That's all there is to it.

It feels like you see going to a therapist as an admission that something is wrong with you. That's not what therapists are for. They're there to help you work through whatever issues or questions you have. They're not there to fix you.

I can't believe the one thing people are posting the most about is an issue I didn't even bring up. It's not relating to mililtary service, relationships, or vows.

HOWEVER I started this thread to learn so I could make the right decision. Being made aware of an entirely new conflict isn't unrealistic.

What would I talk to a therapist about exactly? Whether I should enlist or not? That wouldn't seem like something they'd be qualified to handle. Relationships? It's not like I have some severe emotional trauma from being broken up with.

I'm not disagreeing just wondering.

This. I have talked to many therapists and they can help you. They won't jam medicine down your throat. You can see a Social Worker, Psychologist, or a Psychiatrist, or simply talk to a REAL person. You need to ask someone outside of this message board for advice because this kind of communication fails in many regards. Admit that you have a problem and you need help. There isn't anything wrong with that. We are just random dudes on a message board. Yes we have talked many times over the years, but we are not the best source of advice. I could be a serial killer for all you know. I am also divorced, so my relationship advice may suck. I do have a good perspective on the issues you mentioned, but ultimately YOU need to figure shit out for yourself. Quit being so introspective. Work your problems out. Don't over-examine life or you will drive yourself insane.

I totally forgot that in some countries therapy costs money. So how much money are we talking about for let's say a 6 months treatment?

Vauld dweller is that an issue for you as well, could you cover that bill?

After necessary expenditures and savings I have about $100 a month to spend. That would also be all the money I use for fun though.

The majority of recruiters are honest. Basic training was not hard in 2008; you can't get hit like Full Metal Jacket (unless it is to prevent a safety violation on a weapons range). You will have to put up with 6-7 hours of sleep a night, doing pushups and getting yelled at. Big fucking deal if you're getting paid to do it.

That's somewhat of a relief.

Now if YOU really need a therapist or not. Well that is something which only YOU can decide. But if you already get in with "I need urgent advice!" then I am not sure what to expect. I definitely had the experience. And I am glad that I decided to go to a therapist. Many things start with our behaviour. Some are positive others negative. A therapistc can help you to work on the source of your suffering. And that is actually the important part. Any behaviour is only a problem if you have the feeling that you are suffering from it. For example a fetish or anything similar is never really a problem as long you dont have the feeling you are suffering from it - hence a fetish is not diagnosted as dissorder neither is homosexuality today seen as a mental issue anymore. Suffering has much to do if something is seen as sickness nor not. Not to mention many things which have to do with the mind are not clear anyway. There probably is no real "halthy" person. It just seems that some of us deal more with it then others. Like how some people have weaker bones or kidneys which have to get more often to a doctor because of it.

You're English makes it hard to take you seriously (no offense), but damn do I really sound that bad?

Where...is...the...pic?

EDIT: I should learn how to read.

Yeah I need to get to it. No need to apologize I really want to.

Kind people always get it up the ass in this world. I'm telling you this from personal experience sonny. I know what kind of a person you are. If you're living in a country that allows you to work, afford college etc. then you should be glad. You could at least survive. But pretty much everything else turns into to shit when you touch it. This world isn't kind to "kind" people. Get used to it.
I have the same situation as you but with the minor difference that I have to live the rest of my days in a country called Iran! Yup, worked as an english teacher at an Institution for the past two months and since the guys that were working there figured that I was "kind" they decided to postpone my payday to an indefinite date. I decided to quit today since every class I took made them richer and made me more and more exhausted and depressed...and that's that.

That's terrible! I've been taken advantage of plenty, but never that bad.

Listen to this guy.

Oh I did believe me.

My caution stands though; Anything a recruiter tells you should be verified through an independent source. The process of building your contract when you join is important enough that you don't want to roll the dice and hope that you're getting straight information from a single source with a vested interest in the process. Due diligence is your own responsibility.

I'll definitely be aware of that if I decide to meet a recruiter.

Sander and Vuk pretty much said what I was going to on what you said about professional help.

Also, you said "a psychologist on a whim they wouldn't diagnose me with something just to sell me prescribed drugs or sign me up for future visits?" That is not how therapy works, and it is certainly not how psychologists specifically work, as they do not have the authority to even write a prescription for medication (although, in some states I believe they do).

Anyway, I understand your concerns and reservations about seeking professional help. I was in a position where I was urged to get psychological help, and of course I had my own reservations about it. But I eventually did see a psychiatrist once. Yes once. The doctor didn't lock me up and throw away the key, she didn't shove medication down my throat, she didn't force me to come back. It is entirely up to you whether or not you follow their advice. And that's it, they just provide guidance, answers, and techniques to help you cope with whatever problems you are facing.

I realize I have some very difficult decisions to make, but I don't see how I'm potentially "mentally unstable" or whatever it is is wrong. Maybe I'm just weird or temporarily stressed out.

This. My experience with mental health professionals actually helped me quite bit, and should probably get at least partial credit for saving both my life and my marriage. Sometimes people just need a reality check and someone to break shit down for them. Better a clinician than a bunch of jokers on the internet.

They're not all drug-pushing crazy-makers.

Well thanks.

I dissagre with this.

I think I can honestly say that (apart from this board) I am one of the nicest people you will ever know. No seriously. My tolerance knows pretty much no limits and I am a very calm person. There are many things I do for people. And I am trying to stay positive about most things regardless how shit things are (and they are right now not all to bright but that is another story).

With saying that. I receive a lot of shit for many things. Family, bad jobs, money issues. But. I also receive many nice things. I have a few good friends, people in my class reckognize my good personalty/character and they are surprised how positively I stay despite the ods. I had no clue how to pay my school. Did I wasted time thinking about it ? Hell no. There was nothing I could do at that moment. So I went on and helped a friend to fix his new apartment. What happend ? His parents have been so happy about the work I did they gave me around 800 Euro and I had almost every evening a free meal. Wow. And that for work I expected NOTHING in return. Good things do exist in this world. And good things DO happen to good people. Not always. But sometimes.

Life is a fight. Always. It never stops to be stressfull. And when people talk about changes and better times. Well to be honest you solve today problems to face another in the future. It never stops to be that way and one will always face parts in his life which throw him back quite heavily and thus no one regardless of the experience is save from depressions or a colapse or what ever. Just as how no one is save from a serious sickness like cancer.

With this I agree when it comes to the "nay" sayers. It is true afterall. But only because we can not change our cards does not mean we can not decide how to play with them. Sooner or later everyone has to leave the table anyway. Some will win much others nothing. Thats life. But important is how you play with what you have on your hands.

I agree with you and am glad everything works for you.

You're a bit hard to understand though.

I shall retire from this thread, I think, as I'm out of anything even remotely valuable to say about the OP's dilemmas.

Good luck, VD

THANK YOU! You've done a lot for me and I don't even know you in person. In fact I don't even know you from here at all even until this all happened.

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for advice on this forum as long as you keep some perspective and don't blindly accept the responses you get -- which is no different from the mindset you should have toward anyone, including a therapist.

Asking is better than not asking; we may be a bunch of incompetent boobs but we're inexpensive and we don't have any direct stake in any decision you make, so we're at liberty to be brutally honest.

To me it sounds like you're in a rut. Preoccupation with self is a symptom of that. Figure out a way to broaden your horizons; you'll be surprised how much an influx of new data can improve your mindset. Doing something altruistic may be a good place to start, but it's up to you to decide.

I'm trying to do all your saying as we speak. Thanks.

-
Update.

So I've got lots of information on everything and have had plenty of time to think. Unfortunately like many times previously where I'd have tough branching decisions (like God thinks it's funny I like playing RPG iron man with C&C so he added it to my life without save/load) it seems the difficulty before I went out to gather info was the same as after. It makes sense since if it was easy to find out which decision was better I probably would have already known without going to look.

With that in mind...

I am capable of all three of my options. Lots of people here have served in the military, benefited from their relations, and I found out personally that I am capable of the vow since I actually went a whole week (since when I started this thread) without masturbating. It might be cheating though since a certain game killed my lebido and emotionally drained me even though I only read about it a lot from friends and haven't played it yet. (It's a story for another thread I'll make sometime.)

Enough with humor though. So I'm capable of them all. What to choose?

I won't choose celibacy. As I stated previously (you can thank TorontRayne for this) it doesn't seem necessary to do what I should be doing with that purpose in mind.

In the military I would actually make more money than I do now about 50% more. It would be ruinous for my health, but I would also have free healthcare so they negate one another. I would be overseas, but I'm not a sociable person so I wouldn't mind being far and away from the people I know (which is just family). I'd be under stress from risking my life, but I'd convince myself it's for the right reasons. I'm not brave, but I think the training and comradery act to create that. My family will be pissed though.

I can have a relationship. All of you that ever ran into problems just moved on. I don't know why I thought a failure was an end of the world scenario. I'm probably just paranoid. The cost is also irrelevant as I can write it off as a form of "entertainment". I think can have the type of relationship that would be very positive and more than make up for any inconveniences.

I can only choose one. I only have that time.

In fact in the past decade (not kidding I really mean ten years) I have never had trouble sleeping other than having to go to the bathroom unexpectedly or hearing a loud noise. I'm a deep sleeper and don't wake up unless I need too. In the past week I've often woke up in the hours earlier or in the middle of the night. I know why. Now that I've finally decided to face this decision I'm anxious to finish it.

I'm not gonna make you guys waste time helping me anymore. I'm not going to stress myself longer by waiting on a decision I've already waited for too long already. I also have gotten a lot more information from different people than I expected.

One month from now I'll decide. I'll make my choice and pretend I didn't care about the other option.

If I had done this SO long ago I could have easily done both. Although my ignorance wasn't my fault and in fact there were so many other things stealing my time/effort I can't be blamed I wish I had.

...and I will get a picture of me so you can see. I won't let you down.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Verevoof]

What would I talk to a therapist about exactly?

Every one of your concerns that you have brought up in this thread.

Again, going to a therapist doesn't mean you're "mentally unstable". It's just a suggestion, to get a different viewpoint from someone experienced in dealing with all of these concerns you have. No one is saying you have to go, I'm just saying don't shoot it down completely because of some preconceived notion you have of therapy based on what you've seen in the popular media.

Anyway, good luck with your decisions.

 

[Yellow]

I don't really see the point in you posting a picture.

If you're ugly then you're ugly. If you're attractive then you're attractive. What does it matter? You are who you are, and if you're looking for fashion and/or beauty advice I don't think a video game fan forum is the place to find it.

People just want to see it because they're curious. If if you really care about the way you look then ask a person of the opposite sex what they find attractive because it's her opinion that will really count.

 

[Yamu]

I can only choose one. I only have that time.[/b]

With all respect, VD, not so. Deciding that you want a relationship is independent of all other concerns. Enlisting in the military (or going back to school or moving to the alps to be an alpaca shearer or whatever else might be on the table) might put constraints on who you end up with and how much time you've got for them, but people from all walks of life successfully pursue relationships. I know more than one person who had minimal dating experience and met their wife after going lifer in the military.

Having a relationship is just a matter of deciding that you're going to leave yourself open to one and then being patient. No other factors have any immediacy there.

Edit: And Yellow, the picture is because the issue came up of TVD's general level of fitness, and I believe he wanted to resolve the issue to the tune of a about thousand words.

 

[Crni Vuk]

You're English makes it hard to take you seriously (no offense), but damn do I really sound that bad?

What about my english makes it so difficult to take it serious ? I am just curious.

 

[Brother None]

Man, I thought I had issues with therapy. No one even implied you're mentally unstable. But there's a weird disjoint in the way you talk about human relationships. Like you're either 14 years old or an aspie. And the same is true for how you seem to view therapy. It's just not a realistic, mature outlook, it borders on paranoia.

This thread is fucking weird.

It might be cheating though since a certain game killed my lebido and emotionally drained me even though I only read about it a lot from friends and haven't played it yet. (It's a story for another thread I'll make sometime.)

Haha. Katawa Shoujo, why do you get so much hype for a fundamentally uninteresting "game".

You're English makes it hard to take you seriously (no offense), but damn do I really sound that bad?

What about my english makes it so difficult to take it serious ? I am just curious.

What the hell, Vuk? Inferior spelling is both harder to read and harder to take seriously, this is not news to you.

PS: heh, "you're" English.

 

[Crni Vuk]

No shit Sherlock ? But that was not what I meant. That my spelling isn't perfect is well rather obvious. But I thought it is about the way how I write you know. Some might think you are a smart ass because of the way you write others maybe come off like a pleb. hence why I am always glad about any input

 

[Sub-Human]

You can't really judge a person whether he's a smartass or some other guy looking for an adventure by the way he writes. Unless you know him in person, it's the spelling that gives you away. If you don't know where to put a comma, that says a lot.

Of course the choice of words pays some respect, but grammar is quite significant.

 

[EnigmaGrey]

For some reason I find your replies more disconcerting than your first post, Vault Dweller. They're just so . . . enthusiastic. It seems the opposite of analytical and patient. Maybe talking to a physical entity about these things? Particularly something like joining the military and committing yourself for 4 + years of service.

 

[donperkan]

This thread is fucking weird.

I think its interesting. A guy comes in with serious issues that require professional attention and 70% of posts are people giving military advice (i think they are all americans)

On the other side this thread is a tribute to this fine community, try opening your heart on any other forum or community like VD did here and you'll probably become a meme.

 

[Yamu]

What are you talking about? We're an jaded community of hateful trolls. Don't you read the internet?

 

[TorontoReign]

This thread is fucking weird.

I think its interesting. A guy comes in with serious issues that require professional attention and 70% of posts are people giving military advice (i think they are all americans)

On the other side this thread is a tribute to this fine community, try opening your heart on any other forum or community like VD did here and you'll probably become a meme.

Most people told him to seek professional help. He asked three distinct questions, and got answers to all of them. I consider VD a friend. He asked a couple of important questions, and I answered to the best of my abilities. Forums aren't the best place for advice like this though. Some people just like to talk shit, but quite a few told him to do the right thing.

 

[Brother None]

Are you implying people who told him it could be helpful to get professional help are assclowns/talking shit? Because that's nonsense.

 

[valcik]

In the military I would actually make more money than I do now about 50% more. It would be ruinous for my health, but I would also have free healthcare so they negate one another. I would be overseas, but I'm not a sociable person so I wouldn't mind being far and away from the people I know (which is just family). I'd be under stress from risking my life, but I'd convince myself it's for the right reasons. I'm not brave, but I think the training and comradery act to create that. My family will be pissed though.

Don't forget the most important part. In the military, you'll have to kill some people from time to time. Perhaps even some civilians, women or children. That's the reason why there is a great amount of suicides committed amongst the troops, I guess.

 

[Gonzalez]

Don't forget the most important part. In the military, you'll have to kill some people from time to time. Perhaps even some civilians, women or children. That's the reason why there is a great amount of suicides committed amongst the troops, I guess.

There have been and continue to be suicides from soldiers who fought in the Falklands War, both from Argentina and the UK, and that war was 30 years ago and lasted only 74 days, and nearly no civilians were killed. Granted the fight was usually more intense than most of today's conflicts at some instances, with all out land/sea/air combat going on at the same time, causing heavy losses on both sides. It is said that the number of suicides now outnumber the casualties in the war.

 

[TorontoReign]

Are you implying people who told him it could be helpful to get professional help are assclowns/talking shit? Because that's nonsense.

No. I was saying that some people actually tried to help by telling him to seek help. That guy was acting like everyone was giving horrible advice, but I think most tried to help. I must have written it poorly. I will edit it. I think he would benefit from seeing a therapist personally. I think VD got a lot of decent advice.

 

[donperkan]

Who, me?