OkCupid and Other Dating Sites

[BigBoss]

Have any of you every tried to do this? I've messaged a good amount of people, and was wanting to get any advice any of you have (whether you've done this or not).

Oh yeah, and there WAS this in my matches (not saying it's bad, but... wtf?!? This is a match for me? Ya sure?):

Spoiler

 

[Walpknut]

Well he/she is honest about it, and even understands some won't be interesed without calling them cis scum, no need to ridicule them.

 

[SuAside]

I don't think I'd have any trouble with going out with a post-op trannie. Pre-op, I'll pass.

As for dating sites? No experience there. Can't give you meaningful feedback. There's a growing amount of people that get hitched that way though. Though they often hide the fact they met online through such sites.

 

[Walpknut]

I find dating complete strangers to not be a very appealing idea, and most of those people there are Tumblr people so I find it even less appealing. I am too picky with friends too so I have very little patience with people.

 

[Sander]

I know several couples who met through dating sites. They all seem pretty happy. Some have turned it into very long-term relationships. It's just seems like a good way to meet people you might be interested in?

 

[Ah-Teen]

Can't say I've used dating sites, I've had a lot of success finding people though common interest sites like meet up. I'm sure it's a way of finding people but I think it would serve better to go out and do things with people, and hey that cute girl in your comic book club turns into a date.

As far as trans, I kind of understand where she's coming from.... since my current girlfriend is pre-op.

Also, trans... fuck you pronoun game, fuck you.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Let me add my voice to those who've said they find online dating to be at best awkward, at worst creepy. I would much rather draw from my pool of acquaintances, or hell, just go up to that cute bartender and ask her out, than leave myself at the mercy of some network's algorithms. I have unusual, eclectic taste that is difficult to pin down, and I've actually yet to find a site that can even find decent music or movies for me based on algorithms, let alone potential partners.

But hey, that's just me. Some people swear by online dating services. I say give it a try if it's something you're interested in, you've got nothing to lose.

As far as the transwoman goes, I agree with Walpknut, her honesty is admirable and will probably save both her and potential partners a lot of time by getting that out of the way. It could be awkward (and potentially dangerous for her) if that information was revealed after a couple of dates. She probably came up in your matches because (a) you've indicated that you're a M looking for F (b) you share some interests or other traits that the site decided would make you a match.

I consider myself a hetero dude, but I would be open to a relationship with a transwoman if she was feminine enough and we had compatible personalities, similar interests, etc.

 

[Crni Vuk]

As far as trans, I kind of understand where she's coming from.... since my current girlfriend is pre-op.

Also, trans... fuck you pronoun game, fuck you.

when you all talk about trans, you mean like in trans-gender, right? Like in changing your gender.

 

[BigBoss]

Can't say I've used dating sites, I've had a lot of success finding people though common interest sites like meet up. I'm sure it's a way of finding people but I think it would serve better to go out and do things with people, and hey that cute girl in your comic book club turns into a date.

As far as trans, I kind of understand where she's coming from.... since my current girlfriend is pre-op.

Also, trans... fuck you pronoun game, fuck you.

Not blaming you or attacking you. But I gotta ask. How do you do it? How can you be with a tranny?

Let me add my voice to those who've said they find online dating to be at best awkward, at worst creepy. I would much rather draw from my pool of acquaintances, or hell, just go up to that cute bartender and ask her out, than leave myself at the mercy of some network's algorithms.

Yeah. Unless you know her and have been talking to her for a long time, that shit doesn't work 80% of the time. I can't tell you have many girls have looked at me like some kind of fucking creep for asking them out. Just like in real life all the hot bitches ignore you. Then again, that's what it's like to be a scrub.

 

[alec]

I really can't stop wondering if Ah-Teen sucks her dick and whether or not she drills his cornhole from time to time.

What?

 

[BigBoss]

Would it be her dick or his dick? Which one comes between fair ground when talking politically AND grammar correct. Or is "it" a politically correct term?

SuAside seems to remind me of Quagmire (from Family Guy). Not that that's a bad thing though.

 

[Sander]

Would it be her dick or his dick? Which one comes between fair ground when talking politically AND grammar correct. Or is "it" a politically correct term?

Just use whatever term that person prefers.

Not blaming you or attacking you. But I gotta ask. How do you do it? How can you be with a tranny?

Seems to me you just go be with people you love?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Yeah. Unless you know her and have been talking to her for a long time, that shit doesn't work 80% of the time. I can't tell you have many girls have looked at me like some kind of fucking creep for asking them out. Just like in real life all the hot bitches ignore you. Then again, that's what it's like to be a scrub.

*cue 90s nostalgia...*

Dude, I think you are being too hard on yourself. That said it might be a good idea to get to know someone for a little while at least if you're interested in dating them, and generally speaking I think you might have more success than if you ask someone out after just meeting them.

That's kind of my personal problem with online dating; I really don't know if I'd be interested in somebody just from looking at their profile page, or even from chatting online. But like I said, it really seems to work for some people - I also know couples who got together from dating websites.

Not blaming you or attacking you. But I gotta ask. How do you do it? How can you be with a tranny?

I don't know, if she looked like this I know I'd be interested. I suspect you might be too, if you didn't know she was trans.

Oh and yeah, as Sander said, love is a thing too sometimes.

Would it be her dick or his dick? Which one comes between fair ground when talking politically AND grammar correct. Or is "it" a politically correct term?

Gender is a social construct, so if the person in question is living as a woman - i.e. they wear feminine clothes, have feminine hairstyle, respond to a female name, they are a woman and it's polite to refer to them with the feminine pronoun. Chances are, you don't know what kind of equipment they have under the hood, so to speak, so you would probably refer to them as a woman anyway. You might even know people who have transitioned and not be aware of it.

FYI I think "tranny" is usually considered kind of derogatory.

Also, trans... fuck you pronoun game, fuck you.

You and your girlfriend should just speak Chinese, since there are no gendered pronouns in Mandarin. Problem solved!

 

[Sander]

*cue 90s nostalgia...*

Dude, I think you are being too hard on yourself. That said it might be a good idea to get to know someone for a little while at least if you're interested in dating them, and generally speaking I think you might have more success than if you ask someone out after just meeting them.

Isn't that kind of the point of online dating? Like, you filter people, talk to them, then go on a date to see if they're interesting people you'd like to date some more? The point is to get to know them some more.

 

[Walpknut]

I find some of that "gender is social" to be baffling and a little sexist. Now I have zero problem with transpeople, it's their life and their choices but when someone tries to oversell it to me that e is a woman because she wears dresses and has huge fake boobs, what about those girls that don't identify as dudes but prefer to dress more masculine and don't wear jewels? Gender is to me just something biological, it shouldn't define your interests or roles in society or aspirations, but maybe they just have explained the whole thing wrong to me.

 

[Sander]

I find some of that "gender is social" to be baffling and a little sexist. Now I have zero problem with transpeople, it's their life and their choices but when someone tries to oversell it to me that e is a woman because she wears dresses and has huge fake boobs, what about those girls that don't identify as dudes but prefer to dress more masculine and don't wear jewels? Gender is to me just something biological, it shouldn't define your interests or roles in society or aspirations, but maybe they just have explained the whole thing wrong to me.

Wikipedia actually explains it fairly well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_gender_distinction

Generally speaking, the biological term is 'sex'. Even sex isn't very clear: there's intersex people, underdevelopment of sexual characteristics, hormonal differences etc. It's not all that clear-cut. But if you want to refer to a person's biological state of being, that's the term you'd use. With trans people it's generally very offensive to do so, though.

Gender generally doesn't refer to a person's biology, but to the social/cultural context of a person's...sex? So for instance, I could be biologically female but my gender could be male because I conform to those gender roles (dress, fake boobs, the way I act etc).
Generally speaking, though, it's polite to let people define their own gender and refer to them however they want to be referred to. And there's really no good reason not to.

 

[BigBoss]

I find some of that "gender is social" to be baffling and a little sexist. Now I have zero problem with transpeople, it's their life and their choices but when someone tries to oversell it to me that e is a woman because she wears dresses and has huge fake boobs, what about those girls that don't identify as dudes but prefer to dress more masculine and don't wear jewels? Gender is to me just something biological, it shouldn't define your interests or roles in society or aspirations, but maybe they just have explained the whole thing wrong to me.

Wikipedia actually explains it fairly well: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_gender_distinction

Generally speaking, the biological term is 'sex'. Even sex isn't very clear: there's intersex people, underdevelopment of sexual characteristics, hormonal differences etc. It's not all that clear-cut. But if you want to refer to a person's biological state of being, that's the term you'd use. With trans people it's generally very offensive to do so, though.

Gender generally doesn't refer to a person's biology, but to the social/cultural context of a person's...sex? So for instance, I could be biologically female but my gender could be male because I conform to those gender roles (dress, fake boobs, the way I act etc).
Generally speaking, though, it's polite to let people define their own gender and refer to them however they want to be referred to. And there's really no good reason not to.

I find some of that "gender is social" to be baffling and a little sexist. Now I have zero problem with transpeople, it's their life and their choices but when someone tries to oversell it to me that e is a woman because she wears dresses and has huge fake boobs, what about those girls that don't identify as dudes but prefer to dress more masculine and don't wear jewels? Gender is to me just something biological, it shouldn't define your interests or roles in society or aspirations, but maybe they just have explained the whole thing wrong to me.

Replying to both of these in one post without specifically dedicating a separate reply to both posts.

Right. That is the same exact way I see it also. I mean, sure people could have hormonal differences, for example I could have some female hormones for all I know more than I have male hormones, but I still don't quite understand the act of dressing/acting like the opposite gender or going "all-out" and having a operation done. I mean, if you were schizophrenic (but still prone to logic), would you just say "fuck it, I'm just going to roll with it and not take the medicine because that's who I am! Let's see where it goes!"

Now, I read the several articles that were released on children and what determines whether they get male or female hormones. Even if, however, for example one is male and has dominant female hormones, I still can't see how they would want to perform a full operation to transform their gender, or even wear make-up and act like the opposite gender. Religion aside (I'm agnostic anyways), the Earth (that is, mother earth) made us how we are for a purpose. Am I saying some benevolent being particularly went through every single birth that happened in the world and chose who was female and male? No. I am saying that biologically, we were selected to be a certain sex. To become a tranny or get such an operation is going against nature itself. Just because someone has female hormones doesn't meant they should cut their penis off.

Now, let's turn the conversation more to personal opinion. Do I believe it should be a law to prevent people from becoming trannies? No. But, this is my own personal belief, and I will keep it. I've cried and shit and felt like I was having "female hormones" and shit before. But never was I convinced that I should cut my dick off. I am who I am, and that's it. And I understand that these "trannies" are also who they are. So, I guess what I'm saying is, is that they can be trannies for all I care, it's their god-given right, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it or fucking bow-down (and completely accept it/enjoy it) to you because you find yourself in the "extremely awkward position" of being confused. Shit, I've been confused before. Not about my sexuality, no. But I've been confused about certain things, doesn't mean I'm going to go in the complete fucking opposite position just because I was "confused". Science and biology decides who we are? If you feel you can change that, fuck, more power to ya. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. While I won't be a complete dick about it, don't expect me to consider shit "politically correct" (or anything similar, idea meaning basically don't expect me to care that you feel special) about it though.

Yeah. Unless you know her and have been talking to her for a long time, that shit doesn't work 80% of the time. I can't tell you have many girls have looked at me like some kind of fucking creep for asking them out. Just like in real life all the hot bitches ignore you. Then again, that's what it's like to be a scrub.

*cue 90s nostalgia...*

Dude, I think you are being too hard on yourself. That said it might be a good idea to get to know someone for a little while at least if you're interested in dating them, and generally speaking I think you might have more success than if you ask someone out after just meeting them.

Bro? To hard on myself? I'm a scrub. I accept that, that's who I am.

Que' Early 90's to Early 2000's Nostalgia

Spoiler

Before you ask (if you know what I'm talking about), no, I'm not (depends on your definition. Don't paint my face up and say hi to every motherfucker on the street with some random as shirt related to the music I like. I'm not talking about Scrubs either. Something else entirely).

 

[Sander]

Replying to both of these in one post without specifically dedicating a separate reply to both posts.

Right. That is the same exact way I see it also. I mean, sure people could have hormonal differences, for example I could have some female hormones for all I know more than I have male hormones, but I still don't quite understand the act of dressing/acting like the opposite gender or going "all-out" and having a operation done. I mean, if you were schizophrenic (but still prone to logic), would you just say "fuck it, I'm just going to roll with it and not take the medicine because that's who I am! Let's see where it goes!"

Now, I read the several articles that were released on children and what determines whether they get male or female hormones. Even if, however, for example one is male and has dominant female hormones, I still can't see how they would want to perform a full operation to transform their gender, or even wear make-up and act like the opposite gender. Religion aside (I'm agnostic anyways), the Earth (that is, mother earth) made us how we are for a purpose. Am I saying some benevolent being particularly went through every single birth that happened in the world and chose who was female and male? No. I am saying that biologically, we were selected to be a certain sex. To become a tranny or get such an operation is going against nature itself. Just because someone has female hormones doesn't meant they should cut their penis off.

Now, let's turn the conversation more to personal opinion. Do I believe it should be a law to prevent people from becoming trannies? No. But, this is my own personal belief, and I will keep it. I've cried and shit and felt like I was having "female hormones" and shit before. But never was I convinced that I should cut my dick off. I am who I am, and that's it. And I understand that these "trannies" are also who they are. So, I guess what I'm saying is, is that they can be trannies for all I care, it's their god-given right, but that doesn't mean I have to accept it or fucking bow-down (and completely accept it/enjoy it) to you because you find yourself in the "extremely awkward position" of being confused. Shit, I've been confused before. Not about my sexuality, no. But I've been confused about certain things, doesn't mean I'm going to go in the complete fucking opposite position just because I was "confused". Science and biology decides who we are? If you feel you can change that, fuck, more power to ya. Doesn't mean I have to like it though. While I won't be a complete dick about it, don't expect me to consider shit "politically correct" (or anything similar, idea meaning basically don't expect me to care that you feel special) about it though.

You are pretty much being a dick about it, though. You're demeaning their choices, and insulting them as unnatural. Yes, that's being a dick. Also you keep using the word "tranny" which is most definitely offensive.

Some people feel more comfortable in different gender roles. They feel more comfortable with different genitals, or wearing different clothes, or not conforming to societal gender roles in other ways. So they simply do the things that make them more comfortable. People also choose a profession because it fits them, or choose their partners because they fit them, or a city to live in because it's comfortable. It's their decision -- just let them. The fact that you personally don't feel the need to change anything doesn't have anything to do with it. And your perspective is pretty egocentric, anyway, like your life experience is a reflection of everyone else's. Like the fact that you don't feel the need to change your gender reflects poorly on those who do. It has nothing to do with you.

Note that I'm using the word "comfortable" as an understatement, here. Plenty of people feel profound psychological distress at their gender. It's not at all being "confused".

The argument that it's "unnatural" is also stupid. Sure, "nature" gave them certain genitals. However, "nature" also gave them the brain that feels uncomfortable with those genitals. Besides, the entire human experience consists of bending nature to our will rather than the other way around.

No, you don't have to like what other people do any more than you have to like what anyone else does anywhere. But you do have to respect people's personal choices. And nothing you wrote there actually does that.

 

[SuAside]

SuAside seems to remind me of Quagmire (from Family Guy). Not that that's a bad thing though.

It's simple: I'm attracted to women. And I'm told that nowadays, you'd be hard pressed to identify a post-op tranny as anything else than a woman. Medical science has come a long way.

So why would I have a problem with going out with someone that used to be male but is now a convincing female? Why should I care that "she" has XY chromosomes instead of XX? The only long term problem I can see is not having kids of your own, but there's plenty of solutions for that.

 

[Hassknecht]

Being trans isn't unnatural as it happens in nature. Thus it's natural. It might be not directly beneficial for reproduction, but it's possible that there is some proper evolutionary reason for the existence non-cishet people. And even when it's just a genetical mutation with no specific purpose, who cares? People are free to express themselves, and if they really feel the way they do, by all means, whatever makes them happy.
Personally I probably wouldn't mind dating a post-op transsexual (pre-op might be more complicated, I'm not really into dicks that are not my own). There's not much difference to a 'natural' woman after all the procedures anyway, and I guess I could overlook the large hands and feet.
With that being said I do regard the current Tumblr-scene as utterly ridiculous with its sexual orientations and stuff. 'Idem-panromantic-cupio-graysexual', that kind of nonsense. I feel like all those descriptors and denominators and words and shit come from people who all want a piece of the 'You're special!' cake, which is highly sought-after when being white, cis, hetero, and worst of all, male, makes you basically Hitler. It starts with socially awkward kids trying to find a niche for themselves, and then the whole scene reinforces that. Kids used to be forced to grow up by peer pressure and only a few really carried their awkwardness into their adult lifes, but these kids are willingly removing themselves from the physical world around them, indulging in their awkwardness, delaying their development significantly. Again, whatever makes them happy, but I don't see a person who thinks he or she is actually a diamond-eating dragon (is My Little Pony now the authority on dragon-behaviour?) being mentally healthy. Well, time will tell if this kind of stuff is just a fad like Emocore or if dragonkin are here to stay. My guess is that the real world will force most of them to outgrow that kind of stuff at one point. Dashcon 2014 showed that this scene is not going to live on in the real world for a while.

As for dating sites: Never really used those services, although I do have an account at a Heavy Metal community/dating site. It's a good way to meet new people with similar interests, and it's easier than going to a club yelling over the music only to find out that you're talking to a complete ditz.