Who needs dating sites? Looks like things are heating up right here on NMA.
*sad trombone*
Oh, nevermind then.
OkCupid and Other Dating Sites
- Thread starter BigBoss
- Start date
Who needs dating sites? Looks like things are heating up right here on NMA.
*sad trombone*
Oh, nevermind then.
I had a mouth threesome at the bar last night. Two fours adds up to an eight!
Walpknut
This ghoul has seen it all
Why would you show off programing skills to try and get tail, when you can just make money out of making simple websites that take you 2 hours to make and then spend it on shit?
SnapSlav
NMA's local DotA fanatic
Yeesh. I saw this thread when it was just an introductory topic post, got distracted by looking at a few other threads and when I came back around it was suddenly 3 pages long! Then time goes by and... well anyway, I'd intended to contribute since the beginning, so pardon me if my points are a bit "outdated". Someday I'll conquer my wandering habits and my procrastination... (and yes, I realize the irony in that statement).
I've used sites for hooking up before, and they've had different results, though if I had a little more trust in identity security and I wasn't broke for so many years I can guarantee that they would've worked wonders. They were really uncomplicated, despite what many seem to think of them. No "complex algorithms", no invisible hand guiding your fate. It's like any other "advertisement space", design your own for best results, and organized in such a way that you can search for the ones you want to see. For the sites that would let you look as a Guest but not be able to message without a (usually paid) account, they'd permit distance, age range, sex, orientation, living situation, means, and other categories to fill out to filter your searches, and from there it's a very straight forward- if objectifying (but that's just how it works, like it or not) -perusal of the results.
As per my tastes, I VERY quickly found several ladies that matched my liking and were local to me. Usually mid-to-late 20s or cougars, married or single, and in one case an active swinger. The times I sent messages and never heard back there was USUALLY a good indicator that this would be the case, and those accounts typically were marked as not having been signed into for at least 3 days. For whatever reason, that seems to be the threshold. Not signed in for 12 hours? Active. Not signed in for a week? Go looking elsewhere... But quite frankly, had I found any trans women that fit the bill, it wouldn't have made any difference to me; the same tastes would have still applied to determine my interest. And this includes post OR pre op; again I wouldn't mind either, so long as the taste criteria was met.
But I used sites that were strictly set up for more than just "relationships", including POF, even some designed SPECIFICALLY for fuck buddies, such as AdultFriendFinder. Again, mixed results, but not in a necessarily bad way, and only because ALL of these sites usually have the common thread of having very restrictive services unless you setup a full, paid-for account.
Bottom line, if you're the kind of person who has no difficulty in socializing with people at any given time, you may find sites like these rather pointless. But there's plenty of people who may be able to socialize very easily with those "they know" yet have great difficulty in overcoming a mental barrier of going from stranger to introduced, and for these niche category sorts of people dating sites are perfect. Plus, there's some things you just DO NOT ask random people you walk up to, such as my search for married swingers. That makes for a very convenient search on sites, and you don't end up with police called on you or slaps across the face for simply inquiring, because the space was meant for that very purpose. =) Sad to say, but trans are included in that category. That's something that many people would prefer to keep private socially, but can feel free enough to specify this about themselves on these sites.
All round, I just never saw anything bad about them. So you got "matched" with a tranny, is that really a problem? Tell you what, it's no different than if you got matched with what appeared to be a soul mate only to find out he/she hates everything you like and you're both on opposite ends of the same political/psychological/moral spectrum. In either case, you'd just keep looking. It would be incredibly childish to take this matching and think "what the fuck?" of the other person.
And Sander was correct when citing that Gender is typically social/behavioral, and sex is typically biological. Though obviously, just like how it's not plainly clear that gender isn't biological, neither are necessarily absolute. People will understand what you mean when you say "gender" even if it's more correct to say "sex", and there are those cases where the binary assumption of "sex" is too limited to properly apply. Just do your best to use the most accurate terminology that you can, or to receive someone else's attempts. =)
I've used sites for hooking up before, and they've had different results, though if I had a little more trust in identity security and I wasn't broke for so many years I can guarantee that they would've worked wonders. They were really uncomplicated, despite what many seem to think of them. No "complex algorithms", no invisible hand guiding your fate. It's like any other "advertisement space", design your own for best results, and organized in such a way that you can search for the ones you want to see. For the sites that would let you look as a Guest but not be able to message without a (usually paid) account, they'd permit distance, age range, sex, orientation, living situation, means, and other categories to fill out to filter your searches, and from there it's a very straight forward- if objectifying (but that's just how it works, like it or not) -perusal of the results.
As per my tastes, I VERY quickly found several ladies that matched my liking and were local to me. Usually mid-to-late 20s or cougars, married or single, and in one case an active swinger. The times I sent messages and never heard back there was USUALLY a good indicator that this would be the case, and those accounts typically were marked as not having been signed into for at least 3 days. For whatever reason, that seems to be the threshold. Not signed in for 12 hours? Active. Not signed in for a week? Go looking elsewhere... But quite frankly, had I found any trans women that fit the bill, it wouldn't have made any difference to me; the same tastes would have still applied to determine my interest. And this includes post OR pre op; again I wouldn't mind either, so long as the taste criteria was met.
But I used sites that were strictly set up for more than just "relationships", including POF, even some designed SPECIFICALLY for fuck buddies, such as AdultFriendFinder. Again, mixed results, but not in a necessarily bad way, and only because ALL of these sites usually have the common thread of having very restrictive services unless you setup a full, paid-for account.
Bottom line, if you're the kind of person who has no difficulty in socializing with people at any given time, you may find sites like these rather pointless. But there's plenty of people who may be able to socialize very easily with those "they know" yet have great difficulty in overcoming a mental barrier of going from stranger to introduced, and for these niche category sorts of people dating sites are perfect. Plus, there's some things you just DO NOT ask random people you walk up to, such as my search for married swingers. That makes for a very convenient search on sites, and you don't end up with police called on you or slaps across the face for simply inquiring, because the space was meant for that very purpose. =) Sad to say, but trans are included in that category. That's something that many people would prefer to keep private socially, but can feel free enough to specify this about themselves on these sites.
All round, I just never saw anything bad about them. So you got "matched" with a tranny, is that really a problem? Tell you what, it's no different than if you got matched with what appeared to be a soul mate only to find out he/she hates everything you like and you're both on opposite ends of the same political/psychological/moral spectrum. In either case, you'd just keep looking. It would be incredibly childish to take this matching and think "what the fuck?" of the other person.
And Sander was correct when citing that Gender is typically social/behavioral, and sex is typically biological. Though obviously, just like how it's not plainly clear that gender isn't biological, neither are necessarily absolute. People will understand what you mean when you say "gender" even if it's more correct to say "sex", and there are those cases where the binary assumption of "sex" is too limited to properly apply. Just do your best to use the most accurate terminology that you can, or to receive someone else's attempts. =)
BigBoss
Your Local Scrub
Yeah my cousin is a dragon and pagan/new age (not really wiccan, but new age more so) freak. He says that dragons are guardians and protectors or whatever. He's into Neo-Gnosticism right now, which I think is a little.... out there. As for me, I believe that all the major religions are just simply different paths leading to the same thing. I've even written several books (not publicly) where I record my own beliefs. But I stopped trying to tell them to other people after getting into extremely tense arguments with radical-christians and muslims. I have a Jewish friend whose very open minded though. They may be the most peaceful of the Abrahamic religions. My favorite religion(s)? Zoroastrianism, Taoism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Buddhism, Mohism (extinct). I take beliefs from every religion that I think would be right. I just think to myself, "Alright, God is loving, caring... hmm... would he really damn people to burn alive for an eternity. Probably not. Therefore there probably is no hell. At best, we probably are reincarnated over and over again until we get it right. Not "earn" the right to go into heaven (which is really just going back to the source for eternal rest, I don't know about gold roads and stuff), but we need to be prepared for it. If we didn't need preparation, I'm sure we would just go straight back to him when we die. So this is the three things I call the "Preparatory Phases" which we need to be enlightened in to go back to god:
1) Soul/Spirituality (we need to realize the truth, I have the Eight Truths of Spirituality, but I'm not going to write down an entire belief system point to point. If you want to know more, PM me. But we need to realize the truth of spirituality. Which is, there's no real "one" religion. In the sense we think of today anyways. The real "one" religion is based on love, community, and connection. We need to realize that God doesn't send Muslims or heaven and Christians to hell, or Christians to heaven and Muslims to hell. I think you get my point).
2) Body/Life (We need to realize that we hold life for a single purpose to seek out knowledge and learn. People ask their preists/Imams/whatever all the time. "Why are we hear". To be prepared and to learn. But along the way, we need to learn that love is the greatest of all things. My second Preparatory Phase lives by the Golden Rule. Do not do unto others what you would not want done unto you. We don't just need to seek knowledge, we need to find a way to benefit ourselves and others with the knowledge we've learned. No forcing your religion on other people, running different religions out of the neighborhood, or bombing a building full of infidels. From what I think, there will be no golden roads, gates, 77 virgins, or anything in "heaven" because in order to experience things such as this you need a body. Our soul will most likely not resemble our body. We will be on a higher, etheral plane. Golden gates, roads, and raining diamonds are things that MANKIND likes, and things that they thought they'd like to see in their paradise. But we need to know that what we're dealing with is the unknowable. Therefore our final resting place will probably not have anything like this, because they are worldly and material possessions. Our final resting place will be completely immaterial.
3) Mind (This part is very hard to explain, so I will make it quick. I believe our soul is housed in either our heart, or our brain. Thus being because, our brain is the key center of our bodies. When we think about doing something, everything we do, everything we believe, every thought, belief, etc. originates from our mind, and thus, our soul. Less likely, but still could be, would be our heart. Our heart pumps the life blood into us that keeps our body alive. But this is why I don't think it's in the heart, it keeps our body alive, and our soul has nothing to do with keeping us alive. Things like depression and love both extend from the mind. For example, when your feeling depression, you sometimes get weird pains you can't explain, like very uncomfortable knots in your stomach. When your depressed, you can fuck up your entire body. You do this because when your depressed your not just harming your body, but your soul. Or when your happy and giving love, your nourishing your soul. Etc. etc. I'm not going to make this too long.
Also, people tell me how can you believe in God and Science. I believe science is simply the tool(s) that God used to work with, the tools he used to create us. He started out by seeding this world with life, single celled organisms, and let them grow from there. God has unlimited patience, so the billions of years it took was like nothing to him. You also see God depicted as things like a man/woman. What the hell is that? I believe he is simply a spirit, unseen in this world but seen in the spiritual world. For all we know he could be a ball of white light with sentience, or he could be some kind of great mass of orange/other colorful lights constantly moving through the universe, destroying the old and dead and creating the new and live.
Anyway, my final and last piece is this. When we're put on this world, we go around learning and collecting knowledge and experiences. Then when we die, if we're ready/prepared; we go back to God, bringing with us the knowledge and experiences we collected on this Earth. Exactly why this happens, I cannot say. But like I said; we're dealing with the unknowable. I don't like how religions try to describe god and his traits. We know nothing about him, and even when we hit our Enlightenment and finish our three Preparatory Phases, we still won't know anything about him. We will just know enough. Then, when we go back to him in death, maybe, no one can be sure, but maybe, we will be given the knowledge we crave and seek. But I don't believe you will be punished on Earth for not believing in God. We we're given no evidence whatsoever, and we were created (evolved) to question things and wonder about life. We naturally do this because we're hardwired to start preparing ourselves. It is a very important part of parents to prepare their children until the hit the age of sixteen, and then they should stop telling them their beliefs, and let them experience the world for themselves.
I've met many many people who hate my beliefs and disagree with them 100%.
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Back on topic:
I agree with you about how having someone who is the complete opposite of, well, you, probably won't work out in a relationship. But; I've seen at least two couples I know that argue about almost everything (not a tense, heated argument, but a logical, calm argument) but when you see them spending time together you can just tell that they're great together.
And you're absolutely right. You CAN'T change someone. But you CAN get them to see things from a different point of view. When they refuse this, it is called close-mindedness. We all have a little bit of this in us, some more than others.
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I always thought that religions which are based on nature are pretty interesting, considering how long we might survive without it. The kind of religions that would feel respect for the deer they hunted, or the corn they harvested because it is nature afterall that keeps us alive, and if there is something we really need today, then it is to pay more attention to nature in a positive way of course. But, religion in general, I am not a very spiritual person, infact I think if you would ask me about the most important braketrough in human history? I would say, the Scientific Method. A revolution as far as proper research is concerned. Now, I am not saying that Science and Religion can not cooexist or that there is no room for "belief", infact even in Science belief, has its place, because to believe in something, anything, be it your theories or something spiritual, is always the first step we have to take. Of course when I use the word belief, then I am not strictly talking about religion, more in a general sense. I just think, that even if it is only about scientific, there should still be room for something to believe in. It makes life richer.
I tried one of those dating sites a couple of years ago. I just registered, uploaded a recent picture of myself and waited. All in all, three women sent me a message. All three of them had been married, were divorced and had at least one kid. If they didn't mention it in the message, it was obvious when you consulted their profile. I'm pretty sure that's the sort of women you can meet on these sites: women who come with excess bagage (if not drama then kids). Seeing as how I like travelling light, I never even bothered to reply.
The relationship I am in at the moment is purely sexual. She's hot and entertaining in bed, but that's it. She's not smart, she's not interesting, she's not deep, she doesn't read books, she says that multimedia is her life and she's lazy. She also does not know how to cook. I'm pretty sure that all these reasons explain why she has not been married yet and why she doesn't have kids. And why I won't be the one who changes that. Which means that whatever it is we have will one day end. I'm okay with that. I've yet to meet a human being who is capable of keeping me interested for more than three months. Letting them go is the sweetest thing I can possily do for them.
I'm usually a very happy single because I know how to keep myself busy and amused. I don't really need a partner for that. But a bedpartner is always nice, even if it's only because you don't need to heat up your place as much when there's two of you. I do realize, however, that most people get into a relationship with something like long term plans in the back of their heads, and so I realize that my POV regarding these things ("I'm not going to marry you. Ever!") will eventually hurt them and cause drama. That's where hookers and callgirls come in. They're the perfect bedpartners and apart from some cash, they will never ask for anything else.
The relationship I am in at the moment is purely sexual. She's hot and entertaining in bed, but that's it. She's not smart, she's not interesting, she's not deep, she doesn't read books, she says that multimedia is her life and she's lazy. She also does not know how to cook. I'm pretty sure that all these reasons explain why she has not been married yet and why she doesn't have kids. And why I won't be the one who changes that. Which means that whatever it is we have will one day end. I'm okay with that. I've yet to meet a human being who is capable of keeping me interested for more than three months. Letting them go is the sweetest thing I can possily do for them.
I'm usually a very happy single because I know how to keep myself busy and amused. I don't really need a partner for that. But a bedpartner is always nice, even if it's only because you don't need to heat up your place as much when there's two of you. I do realize, however, that most people get into a relationship with something like long term plans in the back of their heads, and so I realize that my POV regarding these things ("I'm not going to marry you. Ever!") will eventually hurt them and cause drama. That's where hookers and callgirls come in. They're the perfect bedpartners and apart from some cash, they will never ask for anything else.
This has more to do with being a man than anything else I would think. I get maybe... I want to say, 10 messages a year on my dating profile. I'm not ugly or boring or anything. But women on sites like POF receive something like 30-40 per day. It's actually kind of insane. So it's not surprising many of them don't send messages. Though on the flip side, a large portion of the messages women receive are cut-and-paste or sexual/harassing in nature. Lots of dick pics and crazy people that lose their shit if you don't reply. I have a lot of female friends that have or are using POF and this is a universal experience for them. If you think the male experience sucks you should make a female profile. Some of the messages they get are disturbing. Men probably out number women by, at the very least, 2:1 in any online dating for an area.
Relevant gif:
BigBoss
Your Local Scrub
Multimedia is her life? Aw man. She'd hate me.
One of the big reasons I loved Fallout was because it was another chance for me to show people how the Underground is superior to the mainstream.
Don't no radio or TV rotate me... - Jamie Madrox
Yeah, like I said man. Just like in real life all of the hot bitches ignore you. They get so many people coming on to them, so many people showing interest in them; they get their first pick of the choice. As for guys like us, if we don't look like some fuckin' movie star out of the movie Twilight (terrible movies), it's very unlikely we're going to get a message from them. One of the girls I was talking to on OkCupid, I asked her "So, do you get a lot of 'activity' on here?" She told me that yeah, a bunch of people message her all the time. So much in fact that she spends about an hour messaging them all back. That's why her messages are so short.
It's really unfair for men on the sites.
One of the big reasons I loved Fallout was because it was another chance for me to show people how the Underground is superior to the mainstream.
Don't no radio or TV rotate me... - Jamie Madrox
Yeah, like I said man. Just like in real life all of the hot bitches ignore you. They get so many people coming on to them, so many people showing interest in them; they get their first pick of the choice. As for guys like us, if we don't look like some fuckin' movie star out of the movie Twilight (terrible movies), it's very unlikely we're going to get a message from them. One of the girls I was talking to on OkCupid, I asked her "So, do you get a lot of 'activity' on here?" She told me that yeah, a bunch of people message her all the time. So much in fact that she spends about an hour messaging them all back. That's why her messages are so short.
It's really unfair for men on the sites.
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The Vault Dweller
always looking for water.
I know that on dating sites men outnumber women by at least 2:1, but I had no idea they got overwhelmed like that with messages. I swear if it wasn't for vast differences like that in behavior relations between the sexes would be so much simpler.
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
Walpknut
This ghoul has seen it all
You passed on the chance on dating a cougar? hasn't porn teach you anything?
BigBoss
Your Local Scrub
Yeah. Some of these old bitches are nasty.
We should all become movie stars! Let's do a Kickstarter for 'A Movie With Us In It So We Can Get Laid'. People who give money shall be rewarded with:
$1-$10: a digital copy of 'A Movie With Us In It So We Can Get Laid'
$11-$20: a digital copy of 'A Movie With Us In It So We Can Get Laid' + a bottle of lube
$21-$50: a digital copy of 'A Movie With Us In It So We Can Get Laid' + a bottle of lube + a physical copy of the movie
$51-$100: a digital copy of 'A Movie With Us In It So We Can Get Laid' + a bottle of lube + a physical copy of the movie + a boxershort signed by the entire cast
[...]
I don't like cougars. In fact, I don't like anything that's older than myself, except fifties pop songs.
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Walpknut
This ghoul has seen it all
I have only been interested in women at least 3 years older than me, I mean is not even that significant a difference, nor a concious preference, sometimes I have tought they were younger than me and bam, they are older. I think it might just be a rather freaky and repeated coincidence. Not that it makes any difference in the end.
I wonder why.
...
You know, I am NOT saying that you act in real life the same way you do here, and it depends really on the people you have around you, but I am not sure if I wanted to date a girl that doesnt take the word bitch as offense anyway ( - outside the bedroom of course, hey dirty talk can be fun!). Not for a relation ship anyway.
You're complaining that all of the "hot bitches" on the site aren't interested in you because they're so shallow they're only interested in people who "look like some fuckin' movie star out of the movie Twilight". This is somehow unfair to you, because you're totally not shallow and only interested in "hot bitches" oh wait.
You can't really complain about the shallowness of hot women without coming off as a massive hypocrite.
You can't really complain about the shallowness of other posters without coming off as a massive hypocrite either. Unless, of course, you are under the impression that not one of your 18,209 posts has been shallow. Could you really be that stupid, Sander?
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Akratus
Bleep bloop.
Oh alec. 
Anyway, on the topic of online dating, it seems to me that one could design a perfect system for finding the right type of person but the problem will always remain that you will only find people on that website who are the type to go on a dating website.
Anyway, on the topic of online dating, it seems to me that one could design a perfect system for finding the right type of person but the problem will always remain that you will only find people on that website who are the type to go on a dating website.
BigBoss
Your Local Scrub
I wonder why.
...
You know, I am NOT saying that you act in real life the same way you do here, and it depends really on the people you have around you, but I am not sure if I wanted to date a girl that doesnt take the word bitch as offense anyway ( - outside the bedroom of course, hey dirty talk can be fun!). Not for a relation ship anyway.
Yeah. I do kind of. But I never actually use the word with racist integrity. For example. I remember my 8 year old cousin who is Puerto-Rican/Polish-Spanish asking me what the "n word" (gotta say n word here, you can guess who made that rule) means, with a A of course, not an ER. Not because I said it around him, he had of course heard it elsewhere, mainly other Afro-American people calling eachother so.
I told him "Alright, come here", and I took him to the mirror. I pointed at him in the mirror and said "What do you see here". He said "Myself", and then he quickly changed his answer "No! My reflection!" Then I told him; well you know what I see. He told me "What?" "I see a <exploitative deleted> here" Then I pointed to myself and said "You know what I see here?" Again he asked what. Then I repeated myself; "I see a <exploitative deleted>".
We're all "n words". Technically it's when you add an ER unto the back of it is when it get's racist.
An Afro-American Community Group taught me that the word comes from the Colonial White version for natives to the Nigerian area of Africa, because a surplus of slaves from there and I believe Ethiopia came from these two areas. Eventually though; after hundreds of years of racist people using the term negatively it became racist. But Afro-Americans turned it around. I had many of them call me a "n-word" (A version), and I back at them, and neither of us had a problem with it.
The definition for racism as I've always understood it is; "thinking you're better than somebody else because of your race". So yeah, if you use words like this and somehow falling into that definition, then it is in a racist manner.
This is just a bit of inside into the way I think and act; in REAL life if you would so call it. No I don't go around using the "n-word" everywhere, throwing it around like I'm not aware of it's origins like some people (even Afro-Americans) do.
Truthfully; we're all "n-words" is the message I was trying to teach my cousin. Because we're all human beings, not because we come from somewhere else or look different. When it comes to race; I'm completely against bigotry. See I grew up in North Las Vegas. A neighborhood where blacks, whites, mexicans, and asians all lived together. And we weren't obviously similar at all in this manner. We were similar because we were all poor, broke, and stuck in the ghetto. My dad used to have a good friend who was black; Clarence. At ten years old I asked HIM "What the N-Word means", in he did the same thing to me that I did to my cousin when he turned eight. He told me; you know what Damen, we have to stick together. It's not just black people that have to stick together or white people or spanish people or whatever. It's us poor people, because truthfully, the only color that matters in this world is Green".
When you're a kid, you never think about color, religion, cultural background, or nationality. You never think of any of that. You will start playing with the little Arab boy that lives across the street without even giving it a second thought, until one day your mom or dad sees you, and calls you into the house and starts telling you not to play with him because he's Arab. Then you start your "racist" mentality. It isn't natural to human beings, it's taught.
What if we we're all purple? Then what would bigots do? Instead of you're color they'd judge your height.
I didn't say anyone was being hypocritical. I was just saying that's how it is.
See, if you don't like something you hear; you twist and turn it until you can find something to make an argument out of it. Everyone that isn't a footstool for the Mods knows this. Not naming names, but...
And no, I'm not trying to troll you. I'm just trying to show you the kind of shit you do. Besides; you like to come him and point out everybody elses problems, but when they point out your problems and faults you make an argument out of it.
Like Alec said; 18,209 posts and they're all great SJW posts with no faults to find?
This is why people hate these "self-entitled" Social Justice Warriors. It just wasn't until Zoe Quinn until we could prove what we we're trying to say, and now look what's happened. There's another small group on twitter that is allied with GamerGate but has nothing to do with games. Basically it's just a movement against SJW's in the media. This "second-wave" SJW stuff is just complete bullshit. I'm sorry. Martin Luther King Jr. Is a Social Justice Warrior (even he didn't call himself such). Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian, are NOT "Social Justice Warriors". They're hypocrites and attention hogs.
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Oh I've said lots of stupid stuff. I don't throw hissy fits when people point out my stupidity, though.
Look man, you said it was "unfair for men on the sites" that the "hot bitches" only pay attention to hot dudes. You weren't "just saying that's how it is", you were complaining about a perceived unfairness. I just pointed out the inherent hypocrisy and stupidity in your framing. NMA is not your local support group: you're not entitled to positive re-enforcement and no challenging your statements, here.