I Need Your Help, Personally, Quickly, and Desperately

[Yamu]

You know, I don't think anyone's asked you yet, VD-- these seem like some pretty weighty issues, requiring a great deal of deliberation and touching on almost every aspect of your life. Why the urgent need for a quick answer?

 

[TorontoReign]

^ I wondered that as well. That is why I said he should think a lot about it before making big choices. The urgency is a bit strange.

 

[Walpknut]

I am just gonna say, you shouldn't ask personal advice to people on the internet.

I say that you pursue the religion thing only if that is what you want and not because people would think badly about you if you don't have an excuse for prefering being alone over having company, or inability to get company.

Military? well that is a very EU thing I guess, I am ver yaanti mlitary but is mostly against my country's situation. Also I have flat feet so I can't serve even if I wanted, (wich I don't)

 

[aboniks]

...Also I have flat feet so I can't serve even if I wanted...

Note, this is no longer true in countries that understand how to make shoes.

 

[Walpknut]

You don't know what Flat feet do to you, right?

 

[aboniks]

You don't know what Flat feet do to you, right?

Actually, yes, I do. Most military organizations dropped that 'no flat feet' thing back in the 80's.

Edit: That said, I wasn't actually trying to mock your affliction, just trying to point out that it's not the case that it will prevent most people from serving.

 

[Brother None]

I have fallen arches, but yeah, with modern footwear it really isn't a problem anymore. Just go to a proper podiatrist.

Also the more this thread goes on, the more I think the key advice to TVD should be: go and get professional help, because you sound quite a little off.

 

[Walpknut]

Well here, it's cheaper just to reject someone with flat feet than spending on special shoes, I wear apporpiate shoes daily btw. Still ftom the begining I am oposed to serve in my country's military.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Thank you all again for your support!

Erm.
Relationship: just go for it, there seems to be nothing valid stopping you. Companionship is a good thing, you know not what you miss. Opting not to have sex is your own choice. Go for your friend-person, it's better to take a shot than miss than not to. Besides, if you miss you have a reason to go into the military.
Military: nothing to say.
Religious vow: sounds like a bad idea.

That is really overweight. Officially, it's obese.

Yeah I think you're right overrall. Also if I decide to join I'll spend about three months exercising more by running since that would not only help me lose weight, but it's one of the required exercises they test.

Mr. The Vault Dweller could you supply a photo of yourself, the fact that various groups are confused as to your race makes me, and probably others, very curious as to your actual appearance. If you're too shy that's OK.

Since I've had this this topic on my mind the entire time since I started this thread this idea came up. I suppose after not only being an old and active member (who even occasionally posts the news) I have only once posted a picture and it was small and quite dark.

Since apparently my stories bring it up I will take and post a picture of myself both head (so you can judge appearance) and also one in just shorts so you can appraise my overall fitness.

Expect it tomorrow.

The Army is not very fun. I don't suggest it. The Coast Guard is the most fun and social branch of the military, although I don't know if you'd fit in very well since you don't drink alcohol. It's also the hardest to get into right now though; unless you're an ethnic minority, a female, or know someone, you might not be able to get in.

I never considered that although it looks like it wouldn't work out.

The real question you haven't answered here is how you actually feel about a relationship. All considerations of who and how aside, how badly do you want one? Decide that first. It doesn't really matter what the norm is. You're already quite obviously a man who'll readily disregard the expectations of the majority.

A Certain Religious Vow: I wouldn't. You're capable of living your life how you want to, and to raise anything that you're already unsure of to that level will just make it so much harder to change your mind if you decide you've made a mistake.

Also, I don't know how you feel about our current military imbroglios and commitments, but being a Coastie would be a good way to go if you weren't fully in support of what we were doing overseas

I knew you'd help me out Yamu regardless of how much you knew. You also know quite a bit.

Keep in mind (all of you) that if I were to take the first route and find a relationship I already have a woman in mind. One whom I not only know very well, but have for such a long time (years) that I'm certain she's genuine. I have only to ask her on a date.

I'm beginning to consider the vow too much to take.

Also I've always been an isolationist as far as foreign affairs are concerned, but my inspiration for joining is that as long as Americans are over there I feel somewhat obliged to help them. I don't feel like a fighter...I'm just sympathetic. I'm certain many others are the same way.

In fact I've kind of wished there was a draft that way I wouldn't have to "convince" myself to volunteer.

The whole no sex before marriage thing is pretty stupid to be perfectly honest. Go do a little sin a get laid if you want my relationship advice. Your post is screaming "Sexually repressed insecurity complex with religious guilt about personal feelings"...and Religion is a big problem for you in your case. Religion is not necessary to have a relationship with God. Drop the Dogma bullshit. I just felt like I should say that.

I have a strange history. Always surrounded by people of similar conviction, but who look down on me for not being open about my faith or the opposite with totally immoral people shunning me for being self-righteous.

This may alarm all of you, but I am technically an "orphan". I say technically, because the term evokes images of an abandoned child on the street and I was far from that. My Mom died when I was 14 and my Dad when I was 21. My parents had been divorced and my Mom remarried so I lived (and still am with) my step-Dad and his family.

The problem was my first families values and my seconds clashed in too many ways to mention. Unlike me and my Mom or Dad they weren't religious, very sociable, and often at odds with each other. I swear that not once did I try to convince anyone that my way was right or that they were wrong. Though I still feel either might be disappointed in me. It's very awkward since I still keep in touch with the relatives from my first family who apparently care very much, but probably think I've abandoned them whereas my second family finds it odd I bother with the first at all.

I can't (and won't) complain when things could be so much worse.

Thus I've always wanted to be honest, but secretive about it.

WAIT A MINUTE! Although taking the vow would indeed allow me to avoid unfortunate social circumstance by claiming the religious high ground that would also be a sort of showmanship. I could never do that as it would just lead to me being treated like...I'm better than others.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS BEFORE?! It completely contradicts what I was trying to do.

TorontRayne has saved the day. Issue 3 now resolved. I won't take the vow just live by the ideal.

I'd like to second pretty much everything TR said about the army, aside from the specifics on what he did and where he went, as I wasn't a mechanic, and didn't go to Iraq.

I was a Network Switching Systems Operator and Maintainer, and didn't go anywhere, although I almost got to go to Japan for 4 years, before I lost my mind.

I'm going to go ahead a quote the things he said that I would most emphasize.

Good to see such a new person provide me with so much help!

Yes your agreement with TR only solidifies what he said and it was already pretty rock solid.

The second most important thing to do in the military, imo, is to take advantage of EVERY opportunity the army gives you (and there are many) to walk away at the end with educational credentials in hand. A lot of your down time can be profitably spent getting free college credits if you're disciplined enough to do it.

As of right now it looks like enlisting would cause me to miss out on a relationship and my only goal (should I make the choice) after that would be to further my education. It looks like I'd have a head start taking that route once I'm out of service.

You're not too old or fat to get in as you describe yourself. However, you will be quite a bit different then most of the kids you will serve with. It will be physically harder for you than for them. It will be intellectually isolating as well. You will be starting a career wherein most folks your age will have almost a decade more service time and are much more established. You will be old; weird, and slow to your fellow recruits. You will probably be in the fat squad. I am your height and weight now, and it would be difficult for me to go back to boot.

None of these challenges are insurmountable if you are dedicated. Boot is essentially an 8 week process for weeding out those who lack sufficient dedication. Eyesight won't be an obstacle for getting in. They took me with 20/200 in one eye. In some ways' virginity will be a blessing as well. Those who've never had it don't miss it. Some of those who have and refuse to rub one out will have a raging case of blue balls by week 5.

I can see now that I'm totally capable of doing this.

Now I just need to see if Relationships are worth it.

Also, if you go army, consider being a chaplains assistant, given question number three. An army chaplain has one of the strangest congregations ever, imo. (Well, aside from a super-max prison chaplain.) You could learn quite a lot working with a chaplain, if you are serious about going on to be priest someday.

I really like this suggestion although it looks like the third route is done for.

You know, I don't think anyone's asked you yet, VD-- these seem like some pretty weighty issues, requiring a great deal of deliberation and touching on almost every aspect of your life. Why the urgent need for a quick answer?

^ I wondered that as well. That is why I said he should think a lot about it before making big choices. The urgency is a bit strange.

Well you see I have two strange traits. I often wait to do something (procrastination) yet once I start something I won't stop until it's perfect (obsessive-compulsive).

I have put this off for so long, because it's such a hard decision to make yet now that I have I finally have the opportunity to be rid of the burden once and for all by deciding. Once I get as much information as possible of course.

I am just gonna say, you shouldn't ask personal advice to people on the internet.

I have no choice. These circumstances don't go along with asking people I know most of whom wouldn't know what to say and would probably let their feelings get in the way of the facts.

Also the more this thread goes on, the more I think the key advice to TVD should be: go and get professional help, because you sound quite a little off.

This is odd.

I've never been told by a psychologist that I'm crazy, but then I've never had one say I'm sane. Both are irrelevant since I've never been to one at all.

I suppose as long as someone is self-sufficient and not a criminal that's generally good mental health right? I mean someone can have all sorts of mild problems, but if they don't get in the way they shouldn't be problems at all.

I'll agree with you I might have some mild issues. I won't see a professional just to check though.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

P.S. Expect a picture of me tomorrow so you can see what I mean.

 

[TheWesDude]

to clarify...

the MOS ( specialty/job ) you sign up for will most likely determine your minimum contract.

and as has been said, changing your MOS can be very difficult, especially if you want to go to the technical side.

the recruiters job is to get you in the system with their name on your paperwork.

their job is to get you to enlist.

you cannot trust everything or much of what a recruiter says.

when it comes time to sign the paperwork, that will determine what you are going for. make sure you are clear on what exactly the job you are signing up for is.

 

[Verevoof]

Also the more this thread goes on, the more I think the key advice to TVD should be: go and get professional help, because you sound quite a little off.

This is odd.

I've never been told by a psychologist that I'm crazy, but then I've never had one say I'm sane. Both are irrelevant since I've never been to one at all.

I suppose as long as someone is self-sufficient and not a criminal that's generally good mental health right? I mean someone can have all sorts of mild problems, but if they don't get in the way they shouldn't be problems at all.

I'll agree with you I might have some mild issues. I won't see a professional just to check though.

Seeking advice from a professional, like a therapist or psychologist, doesn't mean that you are "crazy." And you don't have to be "crazy" to utilize their services.

And really, you should probably talk to a professional. They are much more qualified to give life advice than a bunch of strangers on the Internet. These are hefty, life changing issues, and would require help from someone who is not just some 20 year old browsing a video game forum in their spare time.

Not that these people can't be helpful, and I'm sure most of the advice is good, but it would be better if you sought help outside of this forum as well.

 

[Crni Vuk]

see it like any other visit to a doctor.

If you sneeze sometimes you are not runing to a professional seeking help dont you ? But lets say you broke your arm or you have issues with your kidneys/liver/what ever ? Would you not go and seek a doctor or hospital for help ?

It is the same with your mind and the issues around it. Sometimes things can be overwhelming. Everyone deals with it in different ways. But one thing is true for all. There is no one with a mind made of concrete (not that this kind of behaviour would be healthy either). Which means with enough preasure everyone and seriously everyone will face issues. Professional therapist can be a huge help here if at least someone who can give you advice.

The important part is to know the differenece between a therapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist the first is someone who will help you with your behaviour the last is more someone with the knowledge around medications. With Bipolar disorder fo rexample (or other biological issues) medications can be a huge help. But it is usually a trial and error here because you cant actually really look inside the issue and it is impossible to know exactly how things work inside the brain.

At the moment someone feels unhappy with something he has to decide if he wants to change something obviously. THis has more to do with behaviour and thus a therapist is probably the way to go. As said even if just for advice. It depends much on finding the correct person. The realtionship between patient and doctor is very important here.

And never ever let anyone tell you that someone is "crazy" only because he visited a psychologist. I mean you dont call someone crazy if he visited a doctor because his lag was broken no ?

 

[Sub-Human]

I agree. Psychologists are there to help. You don't have to be crazy to go there. If you'd be crazy, you'd go to a mental hospital.

Also, perhaps you should try to ask your relatives. Close people give you the best advice (although this is purely my opinion). They might not be doctors, but they certainly know more about you than any doctor will. Especially because they're older and they have a certain life experience.

 

[aboniks]

...I mean you dont call someone crazy if he visited a doctor because his lag was broken no ?

I wish my lag was broken. This DSL stuff is awful.

 

[Sander]

Seeking advice from a professional, like a therapist or psychologist, doesn't mean that you are "crazy." And you don't have to be "crazy" to utilize their services.

And really, you should probably talk to a professional. They are much more qualified to give life advice than a bunch of strangers on the Internet. These are hefty, life changing issues, and would require help from someone who is not just some 20 year old browsing a video game forum in their spare time.

Not that these people can't be helpful, and I'm sure most of the advice is good, but it would be better if you sought help outside of this forum as well.

This. Therapists exist for a reason, and if nothing else they at least are people you can explain your issues to face to face. Just talking about those issues can help.

 

[Guiltyofbeingtrite]

Yes, go see a good therapist. I've seen people that have been depressed and anxious for years see a therapist and have their lives radically change for the better.

Much like you i was also a virgin for longer than i wanted (24 years, and never had a real romantic relationship, just one off hook ups etc.) and told myself I was holding back intentionally when i was really just too nervous. I was also pretty husky at 5'10 205 pounds and looked like I didn't care about myself much.

I finally got over that lifelong slump after moving to a new city and changing my lifestyle pretty extensively: Got rid of my car, walked everyone, changed my diet considerably, found confidence in my first post university career. With all of that came confidence in interacting with peers in real life and about 4 years since my shift I now live with a girlfriend of 2 years and she likes fallout and is hot. The End

tl;dr: Do something daring, move if you can, put yourself in a very different environment where you're forced to adapt. For me I went from a suburban college town to what once was the most dangerous city in Washington, DC. It forced me to grow up pretty fast.

 

[UniversalWolf]

The thing about relationships is, no one can really give you recipe to follow (even though everyone loves to give their opinion). You could draw the golden ticket and find a great relationship, or you could crap out and find something that makes you crazy and miserable. If you're not willing to put all your chips on the table, you'll never know. It's tougher for you since you've never been in a relationship, because even a bad one can teach you what to avoid in the future. Almost all relationships look good in the beginning, or people wouldn't get into them in the first place.

 

[Ben]

Military Service-


I'm still in, 11A. Now is a good time to join. If you have any more questions, shoot a PM

 

[aboniks]

Military Service-


I'm still in, 11A. Now is a good time to join. If you have any more questions, shoot a PM

Ben has a bachelors degree (at least), so you should listen to him.

He can also give you a perspective that I certainly can't, since he's an officer.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

You know I meant to mention something important when I started the topic and I even forgot it after giving two replies. Here it is:

My worry over the urgency of this matter has to do with the fact that as time passes either decision I make has less of a chance to succeed.

For example if I decide to enlist and things don't work out it would probably be, because I get turned down due to age (though I suppose TorontRayne says it's not an issue). The longer I wait the older I get and since I'm 28 (in two months) I've already waited a long time. Also my "inspiration" to do so is simply, because of the war. If I wait a few months to decide, a few to get in shape, a few to wait for being sent then a whole year will have passed. Supposedly the war ends in 2015 (I hope) and by then it would be 2013. Even though spending my last two years in peacetime would be easy that wouldn't be my reason for enlistment.

The same goes with Relationships. I spent almost a whole afternoon one day browsing online dating sites and they're very few available people my age. I also can't look in school since I'm out and work is out of the question since everyone there is either barely out of high school or ready to retire. Then again maybe age isn't that important, but going off common knowledge I think it is.

you cannot trust everything or much of what a recruiter says.

I keep hearing this from various places. Would you have to bargain with them to get something specific like a 4 year tour instead of 8?

Seeking advice from a professional, like a therapist or psychologist, doesn't mean that you are "crazy." And you don't have to be "crazy" to utilize their services.

And really, you should probably talk to a professional. They are much more qualified to give life advice than a bunch of strangers on the Internet. These are hefty, life changing issues, and would require help from someone who is not just some 20 year old browsing a video game forum in their spare time.

Not that these people can't be helpful, and I'm sure most of the advice is good, but it would be better if you sought help outside of this forum as well.

I knew you'd come to help me.

I don't see a need to see a professional unless I'm certain there's a problem. I'm actually surprised someone brought this up and shocked everyone wants me to look into it.

Also given the large scope of what I'm looking into I need a large group of various people. This place is large and old.

Also seeking out and interviewing people in real life would be way too time consuming. I suppose I could ask customers at work (like a hundred a day for me), but I'm not supposed to waste time doing talking personally.

see it like any other visit to a doctor.

If you sneeze sometimes you are not runing to a professional seeking help dont you ? But lets say you broke your arm or you have issues with your kidneys/liver/what ever ? Would you not go and seek a doctor or hospital for help ?

It is the same with your mind and the issues around it. Sometimes things can be overwhelming. Everyone deals with it in different ways. But one thing is true for all. There is no one with a mind made of concrete (not that this kind of behaviour would be healthy either). Which means with enough preasure everyone and seriously everyone will face issues. Professional therapist can be a huge help here if at least someone who can give you advice.

The important part is to know the differenece between a therapist/psychologist and a psychiatrist the first is someone who will help you with your behaviour the last is more someone with the knowledge around medications. With Bipolar disorder fo rexample (or other biological issues) medications can be a huge help. But it is usually a trial and error here because you cant actually really look inside the issue and it is impossible to know exactly how things work inside the brain.

At the moment someone feels unhappy with something he has to decide if he wants to change something obviously. THis has more to do with behaviour and thus a therapist is probably the way to go. As said even if just for advice. It depends much on finding the correct person. The realtionship between patient and doctor is very important here.

I appreciate the concern, but I don't see the need for it and who's to say if I saw a psychologist on a whim they wouldn't diagnose me with something just to sell me prescribed drugs or sign me up for future visits? Not only wasting my money, but accidentally invalidating the military option when it could be there.

I agree. Psychologists are there to help. You don't have to be crazy to go there. If you'd be crazy, you'd go to a mental hospital.

Also, perhaps you should try to ask your relatives. Close people give you the best advice (although this is purely my opinion). They might not be doctors, but they certainly know more about you than any doctor will. Especially because they're older and they have a certain life experience.

If so many people are worried now I'm worried. I don't know what about though.

I would certainly ask my relatives, but the only person who has enough effect in regards to me is my step-Dad (I call him Dad, but for the sake of keeping sense with what I said previously). Unfortunately I'm certain he would try to talk me out of enlisting to the point where if I decide to I'll volunteer before I tell him so I can't back out. The opposite would happen if he knew about my relationship ideas. He tried to convince me to get a prostitute even paying for one as a "birthday present". I refused always.

This. Therapists exist for a reason, and if nothing else they at least are people you can explain your issues to face to face. Just talking about those issues can help.

Yes, go see a good therapist. I've seen people that have been depressed and anxious for years see a therapist and have their lives radically change for the better.

Much like you i was also a virgin for longer than i wanted (24 years, and never had a real romantic relationship, just one off hook ups etc.) and told myself I was holding back intentionally when i was really just too nervous. I was also pretty husky at 5'10 205 pounds and looked like I didn't care about myself much.

I finally got over that lifelong slump after moving to a new city and changing my lifestyle pretty extensively: Got rid of my car, walked everyone, changed my diet considerably, found confidence in my first post university career. With all of that came confidence in interacting with peers in real life and about 4 years since my shift I now live with a girlfriend of 2 years and she likes fallout and is hot. The End

tl;dr: Do something daring, move if you can, put yourself in a very different environment where you're forced to adapt. For me I went from a suburban college town to what once was the most dangerous city in Washington, DC. It forced me to grow up pretty fast.

I'm glad things worked out for you and I'm quite impressed.

Unfortunately though I took the time and effort to earn a 4 year degree (in Biology) there aren't jobs available. I've waited over a year looking. Part is my fault for not realizing science jobs are now focused more on chemistry, but I like to pretend the bigger half is that the recession is preventing hiring.

I can't just move somewhere new as my Dad is unemployed and needs someone to share bills with. Also although I am employed anything I can do to cut costs and save (I might go back to college or just start my next goal of owning a home) is good.

The thing about relationships is, no one can really give you recipe to follow (even though everyone loves to give their opinion). You could draw the golden ticket and find a great relationship, or you could crap out and find something that makes you crazy and miserable. If you're not willing to put all your chips on the table, you'll never know. It's tougher for you since you've never been in a relationship, because even a bad one can teach you what to avoid in the future. Almost all relationships look good in the beginning, or people wouldn't get into them in the first place.

I can see this now. It's just as I thought.

Military Service-


I'm still in, 11A. Now is a good time to join. If you have any more questions, shoot a PM

Ben has a bachelors degree (at least), so you should listen to him.

He can also give you a perspective that I certainly can't, since he's an officer.

Well thanks.

I just looked up the difference between normal Enlisted and special Officers. I had no idea the system operated that way.

I...guess with my Bachelor's Degree I would be an Officer, BUT I don't think they'd need be able to put my education to use (turn me down) and even so I couldn't possibly justify giving someone orders.

I find the idea really strange. No offense I think I'm just surprised.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

P.S.

I just remembered about my picture. I'm in the process of moving so I'm camera is packed away. Also it's a really old "film" camera. Between sending out the negatives, them being developed, and the return trip it could take weeks.

Although I hardly use one I've decided to buy a digital camera. You've all spent incredible time reading my crap and for no sake save mine so anything I can do speed up the process of completing this...endeavor.

Besides I can use it if I enlist to document my travels or if I date I'm sure she'll want to take pictures.

I'll try to do this soon.