I Need Your Help, Personally, Quickly, and Desperately

[Moe Canibo]

This thread is fucking weird.

I think its interesting. A guy comes in with serious issues that require professional attention and 70% of posts are people giving military advice (i think they are all americans)

I love that too. He put the military thing in just to downplay the mental issues thing that's hurting him and everyone just jumped on that turdbait and simply cut off the reason he actually created this thread for.

 

[Crni Vuk]

You can't really judge a person whether he's a smartass or some other guy looking for an adventure by the way he writes. Unless you know him in person, it's the spelling that gives you away. If you don't know where to put a comma, that says a lot.

Of course the choice of words pays some respect, but grammar is quite significant.

So you want to tell me that you cant estimate the style from a writer ? Kafka was writing the same way like Mark Twain ?

Of course you can "somewhat" judge people on the way how they write just as with the way how they talk or move. Of course only very limited.

 

[Sub-Human]

And you can judge the writers by their style? What, Kafka was a genius and Twain a romantic? Not a lot of room to know from how they place their words.

Certainly something if they managed to not miss some commas and dots. Not saying you're an idiot or a kid that didn't enter high school yet - mind you - but style is not as significant as grammar.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

ATTENTION!

I had my cousin take a few pictures of me with his smartphone. They're decent quality and he should be sending me them in an email any day now so I can post them.

With all respect, VD, not so. Deciding that you want a relationship is independent of all other concerns. Enlisting in the military (or going back to school or moving to the alps to be an alpaca shearer or whatever else might be on the table) might put constraints on who you end up with and how much time you've got for them, but people from all walks of life successfully pursue relationships. I know more than one person who had minimal dating experience and met their wife after going lifer in the military.

Having a relationship is just a matter of deciding that you're going to leave yourself open to one and then being patient. No other factors have any immediacy there.

I want to agree with you, but the fact is I suspected, and was told by others here, that such a thing is very difficult. Given it's importance I'd rather do one and succeed than two and fail.

Specifically (I think it was TorontRayne) mentioned how a very high percentage of relationships with one person overseas end badly and (I think theWesDude) mentioned how relationships that begin easily in the service fall apart once duty ends and the situation ends entirely.

It's just not a realistic, mature outlook, it borders on paranoia.

I KNOW I'm paranoid.

On the other side this thread is a tribute to this fine community, try opening your heart on any other forum or community like VD did here and you'll probably become a meme.

What are you talking about? We're an jaded community of hateful trolls. Don't you read the internet?

Most people told him to seek professional help. He asked three distinct questions, and got answers to all of them. I consider VD a friend. He asked a couple of important questions, and I answered to the best of my abilities. Forums aren't the best place for advice like this though. Some people just like to talk shit, but quite a few told him to do the right thing.

Are you implying people who told him it could be helpful to get professional help are assclowns/talking shit? Because that's nonsense.

I love that too. He put the military thing in just to downplay the mental issues thing that's hurting him and everyone just jumped on that turdbait and simply cut off the reason he actually created this thread for.

I love you all. Hahahaha!

Don't forget the most important part. In the military, you'll have to kill some people from time to time. Perhaps even some civilians, women or children. That's the reason why there is a great amount of suicides committed amongst the troops, I guess.

I'm surprised no one brought this up.

I have no idea whether I can or can't kill someone, but given the huge number of people drafted or who volunteered in past US wars I figure there must be some way around that issue if you weren't "born to kill" so to speak. Probably mental conditioning during training. Maybe "the moral high ground" gets thrown out the window once someone shoots at you or someone by you gets hit and you couldn't care less about your feelings for the enemy. I honestly can't say I could just that the circumstances would probably make those words irrelevant.

Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Gonzalez]

I have no idea whether I can or can't kill someone, but given the huge number of people drafted or who volunteered in past US wars I figure there must be some way around that issue if you weren't "born to kill" so to speak. Probably mental conditioning during training. Maybe "the moral high ground" gets thrown out the window once someone shoots at you or someone by you gets hit and you couldn't care less about your feelings for the enemy. I honestly can't say I could just that the circumstances would probably make those words irrelevant.

Oh, believe me, there are ways they can make you learn how to kill without thinking. FPS's, believe it or not, already might have started conditioning you that way. But in modern soldier training they no longer just train you to shoot straight, they train you to shoot at things that pop up out of the ground, and trough repetition your reflexes learn to work automatically so you do it without thinking.

Having to deal with what you have done afterwards however, is not part of the training, and is left for you to deal with. Sad to say but that's the way it is.

How you handle what comes afterwards? It depends strongly on each individual, we all work differently and deal with things differently, so afraid I can't help you there. Maybe it'll be traumatic, maybe you won't be affected in the least, truth is you can't really know until after it happened, if it happened, and also the circumstances surrounding what happened.

Not trying to sound grim or discouraging, but I guess you should know all the facts, especially if you know you are likely/are expecting to be deployed in a combat zone. Death is present there, it's just the way it is.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

Did I mention I was in a hurry to decide, because I procrastinate?

For those of you who don't have the time to read all I write or find my explanations unnecessary just read this spoiler.

[spoiler:22f00fba22]I don't think I should enlist since in the time it's taken me to meet the appropriate weight (I'm currently just over 200 pounds) I've went from having decent feet to having daily pain.

Besides I decided in the time it would take to lose the weight I'd have plenty of time to go from undecided to yes/no and still I haven't convinced myself either way. Since this is a "decision not to be made lightly" I shouldn't say yes unless absolutely sure and I don't seem to have the balls to make myself.

By the way I'll make a days pay worth of money donated to a military charity for all the time/effort you've all spent trying to help me decide. I figure all the people in this thread together have probably spent a total of eight hours reading this thread and writing responses for my sake.

I've tried and failed in multiple relationship endeavors. I've looked up some of the women I had to reject in the past, wooed one over the course of many months, attempted internet dating on two sites for a long time being very active, and decided to start talking back to some of the women at work. Nothings working, but also I've run into money problems as I had to give $1,000 (my whole savings account) to a family member with medical problems which will take me a whole year to restore at $100 a month.

I will keep trying. It's not like I mind being single or am impatient anyway.[/spoiler:22f00fba22]

So I gave up soda which although I only had one a day I had them every day (-150 calories a day). I also gave up any candy/ice cream/etc. which I had only occasionally, but in large amounts (about -150 calories a day). I had also increased exercising from one hour three times a week to an hour and fifteen minutes. I made the extra exercise cardiovascular specifically jumping jacks which are pretty energetic.

In the three months since then I started having slight pain in my feet after full days at work (eight hours). Then I started getting them even after six hours. Now I have it almost everyday being worse the longer the shift. Also worse if I exercised that day.

It doesn't last the whole day and isn't a strong pain, but I can imagine if standing up eight hours (at work) and then doing one hour of exercise does this then probably eight hours (or more) of marching while carrying a 50 pound pack would cause serious problems. I'd probably break a foot after attempting something athletic. I'm also confident this pain is from minor stress fractures since it fits all the symptoms of being light, but constant, having appeared and worsened progressively, and being a pain that doesn't matter how active you are with the problem area.

I have to admit too the more I heard about the experience the more I thought I didn't have the machismo to do what's necessary for military work. I had convinced myself it was something "learned" before I thought to ask, but I doubt that's true now.

As for women...

One of the women I had known all these years that originally had feelings for me I tried being friendly with for months before I started this thread and I intensified it to see where things would go. She didn't just refuse, but became embarrassed of me and would prefer to be left alone.

I became a member of two internet dating sites one free and with a huge user base and one cost $10 a month, but had very specific clientele. After four months almost no one had "messaged" me and those that did were too shy to talk back or were way to far away and not much desirable. Those I messaged almost never responded or said no. A few would show interest then stop suddenly and never want to chat again. I suspect this is just "shyness" and once things get more solid they can't confidently go further. I hope.

I should look in college where I had the best opportunities in the past. In fact I think my best bet is to go back to college where I got a lot of attention from women, but unlike work we have a lot in common (same study interests) and have plenty of time to get to know one another from class (which is less hectic than work).

Fortunately it will be easy to go back to college since I STILL CAN'T FIND WORK WITH MY DEGREE IN TWO YEARS! I'll be going for a Chemistry degree this time since I've noticed (each time I search) there's a lot more opportunities for that science than Biology. Unfortunately I will need at least two years to pay off my small student loan (keep in mind I'm going to great effort to work more and spend less) and also one year to save to go back for another year of schooling.

I do now make almost $10 an hour at my current job due to accumulated yearly raises. I've been there almost eight years now.

There is a glimmer of hope though. Wooz (a very old and venerable member of NMA) told me that there are women who are in the same position I am in which is too say they shouldn't care about my problems anymore than I would care about there's. I suppose I am too hard on myself.

,
The Vault Dweller

 

[WillisPDunlevey]

If you are going back to school for chemistry,
you might want to think about going for a masters in Chem or BioChem.

To save money, take chem classes in a community college.
get the reading lists/text book lists for the 300 and 400 level chem classes used and learn as much as you can.

Skip a BS/BA in chem and go right into a Masters in Chem. You can apply as a grad student and try to get as much of your tuition deferred as you can.

If you do go for an undergrad, get work study if possible and try and get a job tutoring at the school. Both will help greatly in giving you more time to study and offset the costs of your education.

WPD

 

[DammitBoy]

You posted quite a set of questions, and got a lot of lengthy replies, all of which I did not read. I've been out of the service for a few years, I'm in the later half of my 30s, and I'm married with a kid. So my perspective is different.

You're not too old or fat to get in as you describe yourself. However, you will be quite a bit different then most of the kids you will serve with. It will be physically harder for you than for them. It will be intellectually isolating as well. You will be starting a career wherein most folks your age will have almost a decade more service time and are much more established. You will be old; weird, and slow to your fellow recruits. You will probably be in the fat squad. I am your height and weight now, and it would be difficult for me to go back to boot.

None of these challenges are insurmountable if you are dedicated. Boot is essentially an 8 week process for weeding out those who lack sufficient dedication. Eyesight won't be an obstacle for getting in. They took me with 20/200 in one eye. In some ways' virginity will be a blessing as well. Those who've never had it don't miss it. Some of those who have and refuse to rub one out will have a raging case of blue balls by week 5.

As to celibacy and virginity and relationships, don't sweat it. It will happen when it happens, and you move on from there. I've known more than a few men and women who were virgins through their 20s. When it finally does happen to you, the most earth-shattering discovery will likely be that there is nothing earth-shattering about it. However, it is something that all your theories, thoughts, and conjectures will have no real basis until you experience it. I can remember all the noble sentiments I had as a kid, which evaporated the moment I found myself unexpectedly in the process actual awkward sex with an actual girl. Such is life.

Based solely on my observation of your posts in this thread, you would be a recruiter's wet dream and a drill instructor's worst nightmare, for much the same reasons. My sense of you is of a naive, idealistic dreamer in dire need of both direction and maturity.

There is a place for people like you in the Navy. It's the Nuclear Power pipeline. It takes in scores of people with your characteristics. Then, 2/3rds of you drop or fail out for being unwilling or incapable of handling the rigors of training. Amidst the piles of human wreckage, those who survive the process make relatively decent money and get promoted fast.

A recruiter gets several perks for chanelling eligible train wrecks into the pipeline. However, you are highly unlikely to make it through. I came out of this world, and was miserable for two solid years until I made it through the pipeline and into the fleet.

I think I agree with the others that counselling may be a better option than enlisting. Also, idealism quickly vanishes in the face of long hours of boredom that are the reality of modern warfare.

vault dweller, I've quoted johnnyego twice here, because his is the best advice I've read throughout this whole thread. read his stuff again and pay attention, he is 100% correct.

I commend you for your forthright honesty, most folks would be afraid to be so honest. especially on a gaming forum poulated by smartasses and knowitalls.

I'll add my 2 cents: don't worry aboiut relationships, get yourself straight first and the other will happen when you least expect it - just be open to it when it happens - quit obsessing about it.

I don't think the military is for you, I could be wrong (rare, but possible). You are not in shape and you think a light workout is harming your body. I predict you wash out if you try, but if you do try - I hope the best for you and maybe you will find an inner strength and push through. It happens all the time.

Some of us are wired for that kind of thing, others not so much. Ben might think it's easy, freaks like me enjoyed the challenge, guys like johnny pushed and made it. I love incredibly hard work and physical challenges, I push myself in the gym, pain is just weakness leaving my body and I welcome it as part of the process. Does that sound like you? Do you ever push yourself beyond what you think you can endure?

The Navy would be your best bet, as they take older guys and their basic is not as tough as say, going thru Parris Island. Your skillset would better fit a navy mos than an army mos in my opinion.

As to getting fit, stop with the high impact cardio if it is hurting your feet. Do weight resistence training at a fast pace and you don't need cardio. Do a minimum of 1 hour, every other day of high intensity workout. Jumping jacks does not qualify.

Good luck to you and your future endeavors, just shit or get off the pot and start living a life.

 

[The Vault Dweller]

If you are going back to school for chemistry,
you might want to think about going for a masters in Chem or BioChem.

To save money, take chem classes in a community college.
get the reading lists/text book lists for the 300 and 400 level chem classes used and learn as much as you can.

Skip a BS/BA in chem and go right into a Masters in Chem. You can apply as a grad student and try to get as much of your tuition deferred as you can.

If you do go for an undergrad, get work study if possible and try and get a job tutoring at the school. Both will help greatly in giving you more time to study and offset the costs of your education.

WPD

Thanks I will take this into account when I go back to school.

vault dweller, I've quoted johnnyego twice here, because his is the best advice I've read throughout this whole thread. read his stuff again and pay attention, he is 100% correct.

I commend you for your forthright honesty, most folks would be afraid to be so honest. especially on a gaming forum poulated by smartasses and knowitalls.

As to getting fit, stop with the high impact cardio if it is hurting your feet. Do weight resistence training at a fast pace and you don't need cardio. Do a minimum of 1 hour, every other day of high intensity workout. Jumping jacks does not qualify.

Thank you so much for reading the whole thread. That's a huge effort.

I agree I think Johnny here has the best opinion and I agree with yours as well.

I can't believe it didn't occur to me that doing strength training at an increased pace could be a form of cardio when it's so obvious. You're very knowledgeable. I'll be doing that from now on.

Very Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller

 

[Zaij]

Finding a relationship is weird. A bit of a cliche, but it seems to always happen when you're not looking for it. The biggest problem a lot of people that are perennially single is that they don't put themselves out there to find someone. By this, I don't mean signing up for a dating site, I mean joining some kind of activity group where they can actually meet someone. Unless you're active in online dating, it's very much a 'well, I joined a dating site so now I just have to wait' kind of response which simply serves to make you feel like you've achieved something that you haven't. Go out into the world, join a mixed sport team or something and talk to new people. Even if you don't find the person you're looking for, you'll make friends who will grant you access to their friends where you might find someone, broadening your potential playfield. Plus you'll have fun regardless.

Other than that, you seem to have a lot of preconceived (and in my eyes, wrong) notions of relationships. They don't necessarily cost a lot of money - you can always find things to do that don't cost anything. They just require a time and emotional commitment. But I think this might be related to your living situation in that you seem to live in a very religious area with your step dad? Here I think is the best advice I or anyone in this thread can give you.

Move to another city.

First, you can reinvent yourself. Keep the parts of you you like and are sure of, whilst working out the sides of you you're unsure of in an environment where no one knows you yet or cares about you. Find a city that you think will have the atmosphere you value, all cities have a reputation for having certain kinds of people. Not only that, again you'll be broadening the possible pool of people you can form a relationship with.

But really, it seems you have to work out some issues with yourself and that's simply not going to happen if you're stuck in an environment where you're trapped by old ways of acting and surrounded by people with judgemental viewpoints constricting your possible viewpoints. Experiencing what the world has to offer and moving to different cities is huge and helps you 'mature' and figure yourself out in hundreds of different way.

Also, you owe us a picture. I'm curious about this mysterious seeming hybrid of all ethnicities and religions

 

[donperkan]

I agree with Zaij you need to change something about your life, i suggested experimenting with opiates because i saw it worked many times. Going back to school is a great idea. It will force you to change some habits and you'll meet new people, i suppose you can learn something in the proces if you really want to

 

[Izual]

I didn't know about this thread until you posted again on it, few days ago (I rarely read this part of the forum).

The only advice I have to give you is too abstract and cliché to help you at all: just start living already. Sex isn't the problem, but I think you tend to overthink your routine. Become impulsive, explore cities and meet new people. Do some new things. It will help you a lot, and you won't regret it. For a long time I was a bit like you I think, then a few friends took me in the outside and it really helped me to, well, "grow up".
(I lack the English skills that would help me to explain this in a better way).

Anyway, I wanted to post to say: wow, you're brave to make such a topic, and everyone answered seriously and kindly. This thread restored my faith in humanity a bit.

I feel honoured to post here.

Good luck in your future life!

 

[alec]

Dear VD

Go see a psychologist/psychiatrist, please.

-- A friend

 

[Dr. Combat Shotgun]

A)You seem to a kind of person to avoid it, feel free to do anything you feel comfortable with.

B)Im from a country that forces men through army, I, for myself took different route and was in jail about a year(not very harsh, forced labor at best) .

C)Religion should allways be dependant on ones self. Problems nowadays are all something entirely different.

 

[Sub-Human]

B)Im from a country that forces men through army

Army in Russia is hardly an army.

 

[Gonzalez]

Army in Russia is hardly an army.

Army in Russia could crush west if they wanted and it wasn't for nuclear weapons.

Now seriously, about this topic, I cannot help but wonder if you are being fooled by propaganda.

I keep seeing these documentaries about how superior US/western weapons are compared to anything else in the world, and how superior they were during the Cold War too. But talking about what a weapon is "capable" of doing does not mean it is actually going to perform that way in the field, and it does not mean other countries in the world, like say Russia, do not have the same kind of weapons or sometimes even better and in greater numbers.

The only army I've seem the US fight after Viet Nam (where they lost) was the Iraqi army who had an export versions of outdated russian tanks, wich among other things could fire only half as far the distance US tanks could (wich in desert theatres this means you're fucked in every single engagement). And in Afghanistan they don't fight against an army but rather guerilla warfare against insurgents.

It's like when they say type 45 destroyers are invulnerable against planes because they can shoot down a multiplicity of them far before they can be reached by them. Well, type 42's could too, only they didn't.

I'm not trying to say that either the US army or the Russian army is superior to the other, but to say the Russian army is not an army... I really don't see any other reason why someone would say that other than the constant flow of US movies and documentaries depicting russians as retarded inferior fighters, most of them produced during the Cold War.

 

[DammitBoy]

...in Afghanistan they don't fight against an army but rather guerilla warfare against insurgents.

What happened to Russia in afghanistan against insurgents?

 

[Sub-Human]

post

I was referring to Russian conscription army, which I believed Dr. Combat Shotgun was talking about. What I meant, is that in the US you're actually trained for combat, in Russia you don't get a gun, you build houses for whoever your high-ranked CO is. That is not combat training, thus 'hardly an army'. That's not to include the almost always fatal bullying, corrupt officers selling guns (why are there so many AKs out in the world) and human body parts market.

Second of all, Russian army in terms of foot soldiers is pretty weak. I don't watch US propaganda since I'm Russian myself but we don't have nearly enough soldiers to protect our borders. The only actually trained infantry are officers (who abuse their power), everything else is rabble/drug addicts/drunkens who weren't lucky enough to avoid conscription - not like they're actually taught to fight throughout the year. If a war was announced nobody would go and fight.

But all of this doesn't matter. In terms of a nuclear arsenal, if either country decided to combat each other (which for some reason you automatically assumed Russia and US) nobody would be left to compare the countries' military power because Earth would be scorched.

Oh, that's not to say. We're having to pay millions of USD to Chechnya so they don't attack us. That's a small ass state who's bullying the Federation of the world. Instead of bombing their asses and isolating the region, we pay them a fee straight out of the taxpayer's pockets so they'd leave us alone. How screwed up is that?

 

[donperkan]

What happened to Russia in afghanistan against insurgents?

The same thing that happened to americans and all the others throughout the history.


@ Sub-Human

My mother can disassemble and reassemble an AK-47 blindfolded. She was taught that in school and if she was taught so was all of russian populace born before 1970. So jeah, cold war conflict would go very badly for america.

Those soldiers building houses and corrupt officers are a minority compared to the whole russian military. You probably heard that there are enormous requirements for joining the spetsnaz training, and every year there are thousands applicants that meet those requirements. Where do they all come from. All in all russia has a great combat potential but deacades of bad and embarrassing news has done damage to that reputation.

AK's being present in large numbers all over the world doesn't mean they all came from russia. During the cold war the soviets sold or gave the licence to manufacture the AK to their allies. Then in the 90 all hell broke loose and large stockpiles from many countries went missing. Not every AK is an Avtomat Kalashnikova - 47

Don't know a lot about your relationship with chechnya but im shure it's deeper then hush money.


On topic. Vd please show yourself.

 

[Sub-Human]

My mother can disassemble and reassemble an AK-47 blindfolded. She was taught that in school and if she was taught so was all of russian populace born before 1970. So jeah, cold war conflict would go very badly for america.

Yeah, I know that from a personal experience. However, that doesn't mean that everyone could rebuild an AK-47 blindly - which won't help when engaging the enemy anyways. Besides, we're talking about modern day, not a Cold War conflict. Because I don't see how 50 year olds are going to fight against young, strong and fit men.

That's not to say a lot of that generation was killed in Afghanistan during the invasion. Others, the less athletic people, certainly aren't about to stand against young invaders either.

Also, those soldiers building houses are not a minority. They are the military force of Russia. You get conscripted, you dig holes and paint fences, then you go back. I can become a better infantry by going to paintball and blasting pistols at the local gun range.

Even with the 'thousands' of Spetsnaz troops, they aren't going to go against 1.5 million highly trained military personnel and a further 1.5 million with actual combat training hiding in reserves.

While I agree that the presence of Kalashnikovs in the world is not solely because of the black market, it's a major reason. You have tens, if not hundreds, of thousands rifles dusting away when few soldiers recieve it anyway (because, as I said, most conscripted soldiers are rabble - psychos, and overall unstable pals who can shoot up their bullies if you give them some combat rounds). Officers are generally happy to earn some buck (while a slave army of conscripts builds another dacha for your family), and there's a lot of demand for it on the black market. That's not to say the risk is small because these transactions are generally overlooked if you give a cut of your profits.

Chechnya is really about the money. Those guys are given a weapon at the age of 5 and that's all they really see. Even its leader (or, rather should I say warlord) was a hired killer, so there's no surprise. It's an army of pissed off brutes with little emotion who spread fear in the ranks of Russians. They also can easily slip a guy or two, and blow up a block of buildings in Moscow. Besides, seen Kadyrov's riches? Cars, palaces, you name it. I'm wondering where all of that came from.